Pieces of Me

You keep telling me to move on, but you don't understand. I'm stuck. No, I'm really am. I've been stuck for a long while now. Trying to figure out, Why am I still here? Why am I still living? Why can't I rest at peace? I gave away my heart, my full heart. Don't you see? I'm hurting here. I was happy with you. I founded a piece of myself in you. I founded happiness in you. Now... You've moved on, like I was just another gal. I cry because it hurts. You don't understand. Yes, I would've married you. Yes, I still would, only if we could work things out. But you've moved on, and I know about her. I'm sorry if I can't let you go. I'm sorry if I'm a burden on you. I'm just sorry for everything. You really don't get it! I know what happened, I understand it's in the past. But tell me, how do you view me? How do you feel about me? Why didn't you give me a second chance? I'm not a fan of drama. I'm really not. ...

My world ----- Is but that. ....... Silent. Quite like a mouse, no sounds. Nada. Music ---- I wish. Conversations--- I wish. Playing--- I wish. My world is Silent. Darkness filled. Anger within. Fighting Fighting Fighting ------- ------- ------- Get it?

Your thoughts keep on going, when you want them to stop. You start to think, think deep, deeper and deeper. Wondering, "What the hell?" Wondering and wondering. I'm thinking about everything. Resentments and much more. I hate it all. Not knowing, Not seeing, Not hearing. Thinking... What mistakes did I make? Thinking... Man, I'm really beating the hell out of myself. Thinking... I guess that what they want. It's constant with me. I don't drop shit easily. I do what I can and that's all I can do. What is it? My constant thinking. Making me realize something, You don't care. All you think about is you. I'm nothing but a mere vessel whom gave birth to your child. My constant thinking, Making me realized, I deserve better then this shit, My son deserves better than this. Nobody should see mum-mum so down, feeling unappreciated, disrespected to a certain degree. Nobody, Son knows mum-mum is down. But doesn't know why. Sees mum-mum is sick, sees mum-...

Someone once said to me I will always be miserable. Yet that someone made sure misery kept me company. I sometimes wonder if being a mom is a gift, why is it that some want to destroy it? I'm talking hardcore destroy it. It really makes me wonder, ya know? I know a long time ago, before I even got into anything I said no kids. Somehow, I knew something than. Somehow I lost that part of me. Some keep making it about me. I keep wondering why? My life as I knew it, is gone. I have a new one. Some blame me for someone's life being in the dumps. Some think I deserve no friends- ha! Maybe their right! But yet what baffles me, they ask about me through others, Yet I wonder why? I'm made a joke. Yet when I'm gone and nobody knows where I am, I'm gone. Gone for good. Since every time I find a piece of myself, a lil' bit of happiness, a lil' bit of comfort, a lil' bit of all that's good in life, It just seems as if nobody wants me to have that. It just seems a...

I've grown up, Moved on. Though many think I will still be around, The truth is I won't be. I'm rearranging my life. Separating those who are real and those who are not. Actions speak louder then words. Don't tell me any different. I'm rearranging my life, taking charge of who I am. Doing me. I'm rearranging my life, so I can give my son a peace of mind. No men. No Drama. Just mommy and her Lil boy. I'm rearranging my life, I'm rearranging, so deal with it. If not, then begone. Begone. I'm tired. I'm tired of interferences. I'm tired of gossip. I'm tired of mind games. I'm tired of lies. I'm tired of being kept in the dark. I'm just tired! I hate not knowing, I hate finding out from someone else, I hate it all! I'm rearranging my life, I can't keep up with who to believe, I can't keep up with who to trust, I can't keep up with anyone. I'm rearranging my life. I'm gonna try to live it my way. I don't...

It lies. When it happens to be close to you, it makes you believe it's loyalty lies to you. Truth? It's loyalties lies stale with the wicked. Friend or shall we say Friends, who loyalties are shown but, eventually unravels . Backstabbing, Lies. Stop and leave me alone. Or else you shall be sorry. Your unworthiness is disgusted. Your words mean nothing! Nothing! Oh wait! Did I-I-I hurt your feelings?! Oh poor you! Obviously, you don't get it. You don't deal with reality. You run from it. You hide from it. Your gateway drugs, Slow you down. You could care less, each and every time you smoke. You are stupid. You can't cover your tracks that well. Eventually, eventually When the light shines the truth, Don't back down, Don't even bother, You went back on your word. On your loyalties as a friend. What friend are you? You don't believe. You see as you go and do as you're told. You're a fucking puppet. Get it?! You're a freaking puppet. Don't ta...

It has a story to tell, One of hurts, One of tears, One of loss, One of mistery, One of sadness. It tells a tale filled with, daggers, knives, swords, axes and murder. It speaks about dreams, good and bad, achievements and failures, nightmares and tourtures. It talks about, hopes and dreams, desires and needs, future and beyond. It whispers, "Trust me." "Trust me." "Everything will be alright." It says, "Express yourself." "In ways only you know how." "Just dion't hurt others, bring them down or make them suffer for your pain." "But do tell the truth." "Speak the truth." "You'll be free...FREE." Listen to me when I tell you these stories. We all fall but rise. Never stay down. Never. Originally Written: March 4th, 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

Twisting, turning, Twisting, turning, talking. Twisting, turning, talking, crying. Twisting, turning, talking, crying, yelling! "Stop!", "Stop!", "Stop!" "Someone?!" "Anyone?" "Someone save me!!!" "Don't let me fail!" "Don't let me fall!" "Please, Pleasssee! Help me!!" "I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!" ::sobbing:: "I'm so, so sorry!" ::crying, sobbing:: ::SCREAMS!!!::: _^_^_^_^___^___^ _____^-----____^ ______________ ::Flatlined:: Originally Written: March 4th, 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

Passed fields, corn, wineries, farms. Hill rolls smoothly together, a calming view. It's different from being, in the city of chrome and lights. You can see the stars. You can relax. You can feel some what like your inner being, at peace. After staying a while, it's time to make that long drive. This time back to the city. To get back in-touch with my roots, But I'll be back. Originally Written: February 26th, 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

When will I see you? I only saw you once. Don't you care about me? Don't you love me? Daddy, I need you in my life. What's holding you up? What's so important that, You can't see your only son? Daddy, Why? Mommy does everything! Makes sure I'm well taken care of, Makes sure I'm happy, Makes sure I get what I need. But I can see, how tired she is, how much she she deserves not only better, but a much needed break. I can see, how mommy loves me more than herself. How she's always put herself last. Daddy, Don't you see? We need you. Mommy won't say it. But I will. Daddy, I love mommy very much, I don't want her to be unhappy, Even though, she's always smiling. That's mommy for ya. Daddy, I'm a part of you... Forever. Don't leave me hanging. Don't leave mommy hanging. Don't leave us hanging. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy............... Originally Written: February 27th, 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews *Note: I'm one of the ...

You do want clarity, You want life. Starting from scratch isn't an easy task. You do what you have to do even if it's not what you desired in life. Everyday we make choices. We are responsible for making those choices. But even an individual's choice can have a ripple affect among others, directly or indirectly. We cannot control the outcome of our situation(s). All we can do is do the best we can. To make the best out of it. Today I've found my voice again. A much more calmer voice. I stood up for myself and expressed my true emotions. Something I haven't done in so long. You know I love my son very much, even though my life has been hestic. But it's calming down. The storm is almost over. My heart has shut down. The person I love and care about is creating his own downfall. Swallowing his soul, sorrows, and life into a deeper hole. As thoughts run through his mind, he's spinning and can't stop. All the "hows" and the "what ...

He's been there Done that. Traveled places Dark and heavy, Light and light, Medium and mild. He knows, With just one look, Never questions, only if necessary . Always on the go, Gotta be somewhere, Gotta be somewhere, Anywhere. He goes where and when he feels like it. He does it on his own time. Why? To be freed from all responsibilities. To be just free, like a spirit. Originally Written: February 25 th , 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

Its the last round The crowd is on the edge, Nither fighter is giving in. One is fighting with heart, Other is fighting with anger. Love vs. hate. The air starts to panic, Hearts races faster, Something isn't right. What is it? What is it? Both fighters, Looked into each other's eyes. Knowing the truth. Originally Written: February 25th, 2009 Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

Dear Love - I love you very much, very much. I don't think you see it through all the smoke. I will always want to be by your side, if you only allow me back in. I don't want to be against you, I don't want to be fighting, I don't want to be arguing, I don't want to be.... Please understand... This frustration between us, Is driving us away, further and further. I understand the current situation. I do. I really do. Distance and time, Nothing seems right, Nothing appears to be going right. Did you know I sometimes stop and ask, "God, what did I do wrong?" with guilt in my heart. I'm sorry love. I really am. I wish we could talk more, But seeing how things are, it pains me deeply. We are parents, yes. What kills me, I can feel something missing, Our child looks around knowing something, someone is missing. What happened? I do what I can to fill in the void. It breaks my heart. It's tough. Not knowing what the other is doing. Not knowing if the other...

I'm tired tonight. The dishes need a-washing, The bottles need a-cleaning, The clothes need to be a-laid out, Everything must be done tonight. Out of breath, Losing my voice, can hardly speak, without having to a-clear my throat. Sick - going on forever. No one understands. No one. Not even me. Just to get a-shut eye. Just to a-asleep. No voices, No a-cries. Just a-rest. Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

Last Night- Slept This morn- Confused Afternoon- hiding. Night- Writing. Writing by: Gloria M. Matthews

My spirit appears trapped. My wings want to spread, Like a butterfly before it's released. I want to fly free. Be free. Let me be free. Let me be myself. Let me be. I don't like control. I don't like oppressions, Anger, Confusion, Hatred, even regret. I want to be free. My soul needs it. My spirit..... Writen By: Gloria M. Matthews

You were there, by my side. Holding my hand, guiding me home. Telling me you love me still, but reminding me, Home is where the heart is. I wish you were here. I truly miss you dearly. Sorry for the trouble I've been. Written By: Gloria M. Matthews

So I write. Once again. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This thing is killing me. Every night Iwant to cry, but on some I do. Question- where does your heart lies? I mean truly lies? Where does your soul? The heart beats a sad melody. One that is a dying song that never ends. The mind wane down. Tired of thinking. The spirit aching for comfort. Tired of fighting. Tired of being strong. The body ready to be laid. Exhausted, wounded, scarred scorched and burnt. Nothing left. So tell me sir - how do I live? How do I survive? How do I continue to fight? How?! Tell me sir- why do I still defend you? Why?! Tell me one thing, am I even alive to you? I feel dead to you sir. I feel dead. Am I worth it? Is your family worth it? Or Is your secret lover worth more then the truth? Answer to your creator. Not I. Written By: Gloria M. Matthews