This is My Prayer

This is my prayer (W.I.P)

Hey Daddy-

I'm sorry for being the way I have been.
It's just that life has been so hard lately.
I'm struggling to make it through the day,
these days.
I'm struggling to keep a cool leveled head,
inside I'm flipping out.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do with myself.

I keep thinking I'm better off,
not existing.
I keep thinking about how many could be better off,
without me, without having to meet me.
I keep thinking very lowly of myself.
Not sure which way to go.

I feel like I'm being swayed.
I feel like I'm being pushed to the edge.
I feel like I deserve to be out of the picture.
But how? WHY?

What did I do?
What did I do?
I'm soo sorry for the lives,
some think and believed I've destroyed!
I'm soo sorry for getting in the way!

God-
If you can hear me screaming.
I'm screaming because I feel like I'm being burnt down.
I'm screaming because I feel overwhelmed.
I'm screaming because I feel like I'm already dead.

Please, Please, Please!
I'm asking for help!
I'm down on my knees,
Begging,
Groveling,
Crying!

I'm was was so fill of rage!
I didn't know who to take it out on!
I didn't know how to deal.
I didn't know what to do.
I was furious!
Soo Furious that I HATED someone, soo badly!

I never hate,
I've never had such rage in me.
NEVER!
What has gotten into me Daddy?
Get it out!
Get it out!

I want to be free, from all this trouble.
I want to be free from all my sins.
I want to be...
I want to be...
I want to be...
I want to be...
Cleanse!

Release me from my own prison!
Release me from the wrath of others!
Release me from these negative thoughts!
Release me from my own nighmare!
Release me...
Release me...
Release me...from my own sorrows.
Release me from my own pains.
Release me from my own foes.
Release me...
Release me...
Please Release me from my own life.

I would like a clean slate.
I would like you to be by my side.
I would like you to help me be at peace.
I would like you to hold my hands.

I would love to have the ones I love,
to be near again.
I would love to have you to join them.
I would love to have your happiness,
shine through us all.
I would love to have the light guide my way.
I would love to have you over as family.
I would love to have those who have made me smile,
while I was at my lowest,
while I was in the dark,
while I was struggling,
while I was down...
To join us.

Life is too much for me at times,
I sometimes lose my way.
Struggling to get back to you.
I shouldn't be,
but I keep swaying,
side to side.
I want to stay still,
in one place.

I want to be near those who I call family.
Those I consider family.
I want to be close by.

All I want,
as a mother,
is to give my son the best possible life I can give to him.
A mother's wish for her child,
Runs deep within my soul.

All I want is for my son to be happy.
To be surround by many who love and support him.
To be surround by good influences.

Daddy-
Please hear me out.
This is my plead.
Everyday I need your guidance.
Everyday I need you to help me do what's right.
Everyday I need you!

I don't think I will feel complete,
Not unless I know you are there.

Please hear my prayer.
Please.

Amen