Constant Thinking
Your thoughts keep on going,
when you want them to stop.
You start to think,
think deep, deeper and deeper.
Wondering, "What the hell?"
Wondering and wondering.
I'm thinking about everything.
Resentments and much more.
I hate it all.
Not knowing, Not seeing, Not hearing.
Thinking...
What mistakes did I make?
Thinking...
Man, I'm really beating the hell out of myself.
Thinking...
I guess that what they want.
It's constant with me.
I don't drop shit easily.
I do what I can and that's all I can do.
What is it?
My constant thinking.
Making me realize something,
You don't care.
All you think about is you.
I'm nothing but a mere vessel
whom gave birth to your child.
My constant thinking,
Making me realized,
I deserve better then this shit,
My son deserves better than this.
Nobody should see mum-mum so down,
feeling unappreciated,
disrespected to a certain degree.
Nobody,
Son knows mum-mum is down.
But doesn't know why.
Sees mum-mum is sick,
sees mum-mum is fighting or aguing over the phone,
sees mum-mum breaking down day by day.
He cuddles up to mum-mum,
for comfort,
for the both of them.
"Sorry about what you're going through mum-mum,
I know you want what's best for me, but really I got you
and that's all that counts. And you got me. I love you mum-mum."
A child's love unconditional,
as his mum-mum shares the very same unconditional love.
Constantly trying to sort things out,
constantly trying to figure out the best way to go.
Yet, leaves me with choices where
I have to cut some people out permanmently.
I will never know who I was with.
I will never know.
Since I will never know,
I think it's time to say my final say,
and say good-bye forever.
It's bringing me down,
Sad tales about your life,
How none of this would've happened
But the truth is...
it did.
Talking time machine,
wishing to go back,
to rewrite your history.
Basically saying you rather
be with someone else,
be where you want to be and
do what you please.
It's disappointing to me,
your son doesn't appear to be your top priority
Your life first then your son's.
That's how it's really looking.
That's how its starting to feel like.
I can't do this. I can't.
I don't understand what you're doing,
I don't.
But truth of the matter I don't understand you at all.
If I don't understand you,
then what's the point?
I've tried,
I'm growing tired.
My life dreams, goals and everything comes second.
My son's life comes first.
My son comes first.
I keep thinking how to smooth things out.
I keep thinking how to keep things peaceful,
for my son's sake,
but it's becoming impossible.
My boys and ladies who've known me for a good long while,
Say, "You deserve better, so does your son.
You're doing a great job,
I'm just sorry this guy doesn't know
how precious you are to many who know you.
You're a strong person,
always have been,
Your son will appreciate you more,
because you stuck by him.
I hate to hear that you're down,
don't let him do that.
If I knew I had a young woman like you,
pregnant and moved far away,
I would be there in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately,
these are the card that you got dealt with.
But I know you'll get through it,
I know you will raise higher then an eagle,
because you are a God given angle.
So don't think on it for one minute,
don't.
Focus on you and your son.
Plan your future with your son.
And everything will be alright.
You both deserve more.
You both deserve each other.
You're a wonderful mother,
clearly the pics shows it."
My long times buddies for over ten years.
They're my big bros and sis.
Always watching out for me.
Which I appreciate.
They know me,
They know who I am.
They know when something is bothering me,
They know when I'm down.
They just know.
Constant thinking,
wondering,
and nothing good comes out.
My son is a blessing.
I need to get refocus.
I need to figure out where to go from here.
I need to figure it all out on my own.
I need to.
If I don't know you,
If I don't have the opportunity to get to know you,
then what's the point?
We'll keep bickering at each other,
We'll keep blaming the other,
We'll keep going back and forth,
but in the end it's really not worth it,
in the end no one will benefit from it.
In the end a little boy will be hurt by this.
If we don't stop.
My old life is over.
I have a new life now.
Just making the most of it.
Been two years almost,
and it's getting hopeless.
So no, I don't know you,
but this is how I feel.
Mis-understood.
I'm done waiting.
My son is growing every day,
and he's not waiting.
I have to grow with him,
apart from you.
Constant thinking,
trying to make sense out of all of this.
But it's not making any sense to me.
So I figured it's best if we stay to ourselves.
Not communicate at all.
I don't think I can do this much longer.
I really don't.
I'm constantly thinking,
pros and cons,
there is no easy way out.
But I gotta do what I gotta do.
So much more,
so much more,
yet I think over and over again.
when you want them to stop.
You start to think,
think deep, deeper and deeper.
Wondering, "What the hell?"
Wondering and wondering.
I'm thinking about everything.
Resentments and much more.
I hate it all.
Not knowing, Not seeing, Not hearing.
Thinking...
What mistakes did I make?
Thinking...
Man, I'm really beating the hell out of myself.
Thinking...
I guess that what they want.
It's constant with me.
I don't drop shit easily.
I do what I can and that's all I can do.
What is it?
My constant thinking.
Making me realize something,
You don't care.
All you think about is you.
I'm nothing but a mere vessel
whom gave birth to your child.
My constant thinking,
Making me realized,
I deserve better then this shit,
My son deserves better than this.
Nobody should see mum-mum so down,
feeling unappreciated,
disrespected to a certain degree.
Nobody,
Son knows mum-mum is down.
But doesn't know why.
Sees mum-mum is sick,
sees mum-mum is fighting or aguing over the phone,
sees mum-mum breaking down day by day.
He cuddles up to mum-mum,
for comfort,
for the both of them.
"Sorry about what you're going through mum-mum,
I know you want what's best for me, but really I got you
and that's all that counts. And you got me. I love you mum-mum."
A child's love unconditional,
as his mum-mum shares the very same unconditional love.
Constantly trying to sort things out,
constantly trying to figure out the best way to go.
Yet, leaves me with choices where
I have to cut some people out permanmently.
I will never know who I was with.
I will never know.
Since I will never know,
I think it's time to say my final say,
and say good-bye forever.
It's bringing me down,
Sad tales about your life,
How none of this would've happened
But the truth is...
it did.
Talking time machine,
wishing to go back,
to rewrite your history.
Basically saying you rather
be with someone else,
be where you want to be and
do what you please.
It's disappointing to me,
your son doesn't appear to be your top priority
Your life first then your son's.
That's how it's really looking.
That's how its starting to feel like.
I can't do this. I can't.
I don't understand what you're doing,
I don't.
But truth of the matter I don't understand you at all.
If I don't understand you,
then what's the point?
I've tried,
I'm growing tired.
My life dreams, goals and everything comes second.
My son's life comes first.
My son comes first.
I keep thinking how to smooth things out.
I keep thinking how to keep things peaceful,
for my son's sake,
but it's becoming impossible.
My boys and ladies who've known me for a good long while,
Say, "You deserve better, so does your son.
You're doing a great job,
I'm just sorry this guy doesn't know
how precious you are to many who know you.
You're a strong person,
always have been,
Your son will appreciate you more,
because you stuck by him.
I hate to hear that you're down,
don't let him do that.
If I knew I had a young woman like you,
pregnant and moved far away,
I would be there in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately,
these are the card that you got dealt with.
But I know you'll get through it,
I know you will raise higher then an eagle,
because you are a God given angle.
So don't think on it for one minute,
don't.
Focus on you and your son.
Plan your future with your son.
And everything will be alright.
You both deserve more.
You both deserve each other.
You're a wonderful mother,
clearly the pics shows it."
My long times buddies for over ten years.
They're my big bros and sis.
Always watching out for me.
Which I appreciate.
They know me,
They know who I am.
They know when something is bothering me,
They know when I'm down.
They just know.
Constant thinking,
wondering,
and nothing good comes out.
My son is a blessing.
I need to get refocus.
I need to figure out where to go from here.
I need to figure it all out on my own.
I need to.
If I don't know you,
If I don't have the opportunity to get to know you,
then what's the point?
We'll keep bickering at each other,
We'll keep blaming the other,
We'll keep going back and forth,
but in the end it's really not worth it,
in the end no one will benefit from it.
In the end a little boy will be hurt by this.
If we don't stop.
My old life is over.
I have a new life now.
Just making the most of it.
Been two years almost,
and it's getting hopeless.
So no, I don't know you,
but this is how I feel.
Mis-understood.
I'm done waiting.
My son is growing every day,
and he's not waiting.
I have to grow with him,
apart from you.
Constant thinking,
trying to make sense out of all of this.
But it's not making any sense to me.
So I figured it's best if we stay to ourselves.
Not communicate at all.
I don't think I can do this much longer.
I really don't.
I'm constantly thinking,
pros and cons,
there is no easy way out.
But I gotta do what I gotta do.
So much more,
so much more,
yet I think over and over again.
I can so relate to this. I can never get a moment of rest because I am always in my own head. I think it comes with the being an artist because we look at the world differently and we are always looking to be inspired to take out throughts and ideas to the next level. I sometimes count it as a blessing because most of my ideas are spraked by my constant thinking. I think u too should like at it as a blessing as well because without that we fail to exist through the thing that makes us unique. But just find a way to control it because too much thinking drives a person crazy and at times where there is no point to return. But great piece though... Keep it up! :)
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