A Sense of Renewal

As time has passed since my last entry, I have grown up some since.  I have been able to rebuild up my confidence to speak up for myself and to let others know when I'm done.

In recent weeks, I have come to realization that those who speak of love do not fully understand it.  I have notice only very few who do understand what love is but they know how deeply it runs.  I have also realized after being called names and talked about, there's no point to having a social life if people are going to gossip or talk trash.  I also realized if I am not appreciated for how nice I've been or how opened I've been, I will shut one individual out at a time.

I write because I feel like I have a story to tell. I write because its the only way I can communicate what is on my mind and how I feel.  I write because I feel free.

Since I've started back up with school to finish up my bachelors degree, I have changed in attitude and became a stronger person overall.  I am determined to make my life work for my family, I am determined to keep my head up and to keep moving forward.  I am determined to remain proactive but stay realistic.

No one may understand me or even grasp why I do what I do.  I'll admit I am a very sensitive person and will feel hurt by words or statements about me that are misinterpretations or misunderstandings.  I know people love to assume and it is known that any assumptions made can be most likely wrong based on the wrong perceptions.  In my case, people love to assume and its what makes me mad more then anything.  I typically end up having to clarify or breakdown my decisions, many do not know the full story or understand the gravity of the situations that could have turned out ugly.  Many may want to know what really happen, but they cannot speak to me.  They know something is wrong and they want to know what the story is on my end.  A nice young woman I am, I come across as being the cool person on the block or within the close circles I am a part of. Yet, it baffles some in a few cases, why I am no longer around or in close contact.  Why I don't display a show of needs or what not.  Why I won't demand. My answer, it is out of my hands.

We all pick our friends and who our friends are can be a reflection of who we are to a certain degree.  But our friends don't determine how we as individuals choose to live our lives.  Just something to think about.  Too many times I have run into people who do what others do and will listen to what they say and suggest; in my opinion the individuals do not know how to think or act for themselves.  They think they are leaders because they have people following them as they themselves are following others.  It saddens me to see individuals not thinking for themselves but living a life as a zombie.  I love people who can stand up and speak there own minds without displaying influences of others around them.  I love people who display sole leadership and know that they are their own leaders and they follow no one.  I love people who are aware of human needs and emotions and are individuals who have empathy for others.  I love people who know how hard life is and acknowledge it through personal experiences.

As I get closer to turning thirty, I can see how some can easily get caught up in other peoples' business and how they have really nothing better to do with their time.  It's crazy but it's true.  When no one wants drama, people start talking and bringing up things that have not been spoken of.  Its just wrong on  so many counts.

Today, I am doing much better health wise and looking to take up a couple of physical challenges.  I may be a bit slow to start off with but I'll get better as time passes.  I may be busy with live in general and trying to work things out so that everything runs smoothly, its a full time job being a single parent, but its all worth it.

I may not post much, but when I  am in my writing moods I will try to post here and there, when I can.  Thank you for taking your time to read!