Determining my path
Last night I had a dream. It was about a few quotes "God, must have put you in my life", "God, must have brought me here for a reason,", "God, must have wanted me in your life." Now at first you would think, "Okay, I can see myself saying that to someone that I've grown fond of over time." However, my dream took a whole different angle on it.
In my dream the issue was men. Mind you, the last guy who use, "God must have put you in my life for a reason," I ended up pregnant with my son and before I knew it, there was a breakdown in communication and word got back to me their was another woman. Now, how in the world does that work? I mean seriously. Why would men use God and mention the above quotes towards young women who happen to be a good women? And then they wonder why, men, those women left them? I got to say, men should be more careful with how they view God especially when it comes to meeting potential mates. God is no matchmaker. He does not say, "You are meant to be with this person" or "You have to be with this person." He does not meddle with the human heart like that. God, knows how sensitive the human heart is, the question is does both sexes understand that?
This dream got on my case. One because in it, I was still a student at my local college and a nice looking man with a major ego asked me if I was single, mind you, I hate that question! Its really none of anyone's business to be honest.
So I nicely said, "I'm not interested."
He then said, "Man, God must have wanted me here today so I can see and meet a beauty like you."
I'm thinking, "Oh, puh-leasee. I heard that one too many times and it always plays out wrong." Then I just looked at him, smiled and rolled my eyes then walked away. Then he gets upset because I did that.
He says, "Why the attitude? You don't even know me."
I go, "I don't need to know you, because I got better things to do."
Cockily, he goes, "You are a student, what else is better than that when you can get to know me."
So here I am my blood is starting to boil, so I turn around and walked up to him and said, "I have a son, he comes first, always. My schooling is second to that, so I can create a better life for myself and my son. I do not need a man to say, "Let me do this or that for you". I've been doing just fine on my own. Yes, I may struggle, but it is my own struggle to deal with, not yours or anyone else for that matter! I am many things and yes, I have notice how guys look at me and do I pay attention? No, I do not. I got my own plans, and my plans do not include having a relationship anytime soon. When I am ready and God gives me the go ahead, then I'll think about but for now I'm good."
He then goes, "Wow, I didn't know. You don't look like you have a kid. But I am interested in you and want to know you and maybe God is telling you to take a chance."
I go, "First off, I would know if God is telling me something, because I would feel it. Second off, I am a Christian and I do not believe he would send men in my direction saying the exact same thing to me. Third off, yes, I am a good "girl", but I will no be nothing but a piece of object to be shown off. I am better then that and deserve someone who is willing to sacrifice a lot of personal time for family time. If one isn't willing to sacrifice, then I would know just by the look and body language you are just revealing as I speak. So, NO, you are not ready for me or my son and you would be better off finding someone who is childless and has more time available to do whatever you would like to do."
He then said, "No, you are right. I shouldn't have came off the way I did."
I said, "If you paid attention, "Never judge a book by it's covers." then you should think before you speak or assume. Assuming is taking a huge risk that you could be wrong. In this case you were, not every young women will be willing to give up her plans to be with a guy and know that they are in good hands. Women do a lot of work and men, for the most part just love to be lazy. Now, I'm not saying all men are lazy, but in today's world, men can be barely called men because the fantasy ideas that are in their heads about how a woman should be and act around them, comes across by some women as controlling."
He goes, "You sound bitter towards men. Why?"
I go, "Take a wild guess."
Silent.
Then I said, "I've dealt with a child molester, a rapist and men who just wanted sex and no commitment. Does that ring a bell? or how about fighting men off my mother when she said she could handle them herself? How about that? or How about, hearing "God, must have put you in my life for a reason" from men every so often, when I don't even know them? If you are to say God put me in your life, it would have to be spoken after you have known me for a few years. If anyone is to use God to say that they are in your life for a reason, it has to be after a long period of time has passed. Do you catch my drift?"
He goes, "Yeah."
I go, "Now if you excuse me, I got someplace to be. But think about what I said and have a good day."
I could go on and on, but as I get older, I may be becoming a bit bitter towards men who have absolutely no idea how to approach and respect a woman as a person. Its sad. I know there are good men out there, but when I am ready, I will know.
As for friends and families who would love to see me in a wedding dress soon, I'm still healing and I would like to be healed 100% before I decide to commit to a potential mate. I came into this world on my own time and I will heal on my own time because that is how God created me and brought me into this world. So just let me be. To be happy, truly happy, I must be happy solely for me. I don't need my happiness to be a reliance upon someone else, I need to be happy for me so I can have my own independent happiness and be okay if nothing works out because I am happy on my own terms. So no more lectures on men ladies, I have heard enough and seen enough and all I am saying is in due time, I'll get there, so stop worrying about my personal life and just let it be. I'll be alright, I am not alone.
In my dream the issue was men. Mind you, the last guy who use, "God must have put you in my life for a reason," I ended up pregnant with my son and before I knew it, there was a breakdown in communication and word got back to me their was another woman. Now, how in the world does that work? I mean seriously. Why would men use God and mention the above quotes towards young women who happen to be a good women? And then they wonder why, men, those women left them? I got to say, men should be more careful with how they view God especially when it comes to meeting potential mates. God is no matchmaker. He does not say, "You are meant to be with this person" or "You have to be with this person." He does not meddle with the human heart like that. God, knows how sensitive the human heart is, the question is does both sexes understand that?
This dream got on my case. One because in it, I was still a student at my local college and a nice looking man with a major ego asked me if I was single, mind you, I hate that question! Its really none of anyone's business to be honest.
So I nicely said, "I'm not interested."
He then said, "Man, God must have wanted me here today so I can see and meet a beauty like you."
I'm thinking, "Oh, puh-leasee. I heard that one too many times and it always plays out wrong." Then I just looked at him, smiled and rolled my eyes then walked away. Then he gets upset because I did that.
He says, "Why the attitude? You don't even know me."
I go, "I don't need to know you, because I got better things to do."
Cockily, he goes, "You are a student, what else is better than that when you can get to know me."
So here I am my blood is starting to boil, so I turn around and walked up to him and said, "I have a son, he comes first, always. My schooling is second to that, so I can create a better life for myself and my son. I do not need a man to say, "Let me do this or that for you". I've been doing just fine on my own. Yes, I may struggle, but it is my own struggle to deal with, not yours or anyone else for that matter! I am many things and yes, I have notice how guys look at me and do I pay attention? No, I do not. I got my own plans, and my plans do not include having a relationship anytime soon. When I am ready and God gives me the go ahead, then I'll think about but for now I'm good."
He then goes, "Wow, I didn't know. You don't look like you have a kid. But I am interested in you and want to know you and maybe God is telling you to take a chance."
I go, "First off, I would know if God is telling me something, because I would feel it. Second off, I am a Christian and I do not believe he would send men in my direction saying the exact same thing to me. Third off, yes, I am a good "girl", but I will no be nothing but a piece of object to be shown off. I am better then that and deserve someone who is willing to sacrifice a lot of personal time for family time. If one isn't willing to sacrifice, then I would know just by the look and body language you are just revealing as I speak. So, NO, you are not ready for me or my son and you would be better off finding someone who is childless and has more time available to do whatever you would like to do."
He then said, "No, you are right. I shouldn't have came off the way I did."
I said, "If you paid attention, "Never judge a book by it's covers." then you should think before you speak or assume. Assuming is taking a huge risk that you could be wrong. In this case you were, not every young women will be willing to give up her plans to be with a guy and know that they are in good hands. Women do a lot of work and men, for the most part just love to be lazy. Now, I'm not saying all men are lazy, but in today's world, men can be barely called men because the fantasy ideas that are in their heads about how a woman should be and act around them, comes across by some women as controlling."
He goes, "You sound bitter towards men. Why?"
I go, "Take a wild guess."
Silent.
Then I said, "I've dealt with a child molester, a rapist and men who just wanted sex and no commitment. Does that ring a bell? or how about fighting men off my mother when she said she could handle them herself? How about that? or How about, hearing "God, must have put you in my life for a reason" from men every so often, when I don't even know them? If you are to say God put me in your life, it would have to be spoken after you have known me for a few years. If anyone is to use God to say that they are in your life for a reason, it has to be after a long period of time has passed. Do you catch my drift?"
He goes, "Yeah."
I go, "Now if you excuse me, I got someplace to be. But think about what I said and have a good day."
I could go on and on, but as I get older, I may be becoming a bit bitter towards men who have absolutely no idea how to approach and respect a woman as a person. Its sad. I know there are good men out there, but when I am ready, I will know.
As for friends and families who would love to see me in a wedding dress soon, I'm still healing and I would like to be healed 100% before I decide to commit to a potential mate. I came into this world on my own time and I will heal on my own time because that is how God created me and brought me into this world. So just let me be. To be happy, truly happy, I must be happy solely for me. I don't need my happiness to be a reliance upon someone else, I need to be happy for me so I can have my own independent happiness and be okay if nothing works out because I am happy on my own terms. So no more lectures on men ladies, I have heard enough and seen enough and all I am saying is in due time, I'll get there, so stop worrying about my personal life and just let it be. I'll be alright, I am not alone.
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