Mommy Time
Tonight I got in some mommy's movie time since my son decided to go to sleep early tonight. It had been storming all day and the rain, tends to make many sleepy. I guess its true for those of us who are sensitive to our natural environment.
Today, was just a chill day. A day to just relax and reflect. But today, a day I spent in deep thoughts about forgiveness, hidden blessings and truth. Tonight, I am still thinking long and hard on how I can make a positive change within myself for the better. For while I have been so in-tuned with the world and people I know and care about and I think I have earned the time to focus on myself.
It has been a while since I have been able to write more. Now, I am going to use my time write and do what I love once again.
They say you can never stop loving the things that used to make you happy. I am learning that its true. You may not always be doing it, but its always there, deep in the soul, its always there. I have my own passions, my own dreams, dreams I once thought were long gone. I am feeling lighter and freer, seeing clearer and hearing clearer.
I stopped myself dead in my own tracks trying to figure out and sort out my emotions and situations. Man, was that the hardest thing I had to do in my life, but I had to do it, I had to stop myself from moving forward to make sense of my own life and who I was. Today, I realized I have grown up some, became more assertive and aware, knowing when it the right time to speak up and when its not. It's not easy being trapped within your own walls. I built walls for a reason, to not get hurt. Only thing was, I ended up getting hurt ten times more each time.
A wall, is usually a protective barrier for many who have been hurt very badly in their past. It helps keep some sane and feeling safe from the world around them. They know the harsh realities of life and how awful it feels to be hurt by it. They understand why its not easy to just let anyone into their world because they like it calm and peaceful. What I learned, while I was protecting my world, I was hanging and talking to the wrong people on the outside. They didn't care one bit about my own well-being. They just talked about me and made a joke out of me. In return, I actually made a fool of myself for believing some of the people I thought were "friends" were really people who just didn't like me at all.
I wasn't always big on making friends, or having a lot of friends. I always kept to myself and stayed that way. I would shy away from people because I just knew how much they were carrying in their loads. I figured, in my mind, "Why be another burden for someone? Everyone got enough on their plates as is." I figured, I would me very few good people along the way, people who would express their kindness in a manner that I am really not used to at all. In truth, I did meet very few good people and to be honest it was hard to accept their kindness for I was not used to receiving such a thing. All my life, I have been told many negative things, only because I'm a flawed human being, not perfect, and do not measure up to expectations. I do not take any pride in my achievements for I am humbled that I even accomplished the things I have. My life is no fairy tale. Yet, my life is one to know.
We walk around thinking our problems are so huge, bigger than anyone's else. The thing is, your problems are as big as you make it. I have lost people close and dear in my life and let me tell you something, death taught me well. I may be nice but I must follow my own faith. I cannot curse anyone in private or wish something bad upon one, it is not in my nature. I do as I can, faithfully. And I try my hardest to cast doubts to the side. It is through my walk with Christ, I am seeing things clearly. I am able to say, "Let him or her be." For the bible speaks of it.
I am glad and joyous in how long a way I have come. Everyday I am getting stronger, I am getting wiser, I am getting older with grace. I live my life as if it is my last and I just want to make it a meaningful journey. I know things have been said about me, to be honest, I won't concern myself with any of it for it does not matter. What matters to me is God and his opinions.
For years I listened to others and after awhile, they all faded out. Just gone. Then I thought to myself, am I a good friend, if I am then how come I'm always the last to know or how come I'm always there but they are not? I always wonder, friendship, means different to others and I noticed because I am straightforward and honest, no one doesn't want to deal with the inevitable truth. I know truth hurts, and its a piercing pain hurt when you hear the truth. At first you don't want to believe it and then you see it and the next you are in shock because you honestly are left speechless as you process the truth from within. Trying to make sense of it all, only to hit a wall that says "Dead End" and another that says "No Outlets". It's like driving on a road with no street lights, not knowing where the road turns or where you are heading because its pitched black and the lights in the front of your vehicle isn't helping you much at all.
Truth, it stings but you learn quicker to investigate and know that down the road no matter how careful we are, somehow we overlook the most obvious to believe something that is not there. Dreams are visions, but they come to life in due time. Blessings are all around and its sad that those who cannot see their blessings or count their blessings are so misled. I know how short life is, I hear resentments and regrets from those who wished they could've been a better friend or person in the one who is terminally ill or just passed. The thing is, we make mistakes and we have to forgive and move on. You only live once, so make it right while you can. You can't make things right if its only benefiting just you, it has to be fair and beneficial to others. If you live in fear that the truth will only harm you and no one else, that a selfish person who is saying I did what was right for me having no regards to the bigger picture where people have been hurt and lied to. Those kind of people, leave a mark, an unhappy one. They believe they are right even when they know deep down they are wrong, but continue to believe and convince themselves that they are right. Newsflash, when that one person wonders why nothing ever lasts or why people walked away, they will find out the hard way, that their actions and words spoke loud and clear and people decided they would be better off having nothing to say or do with them. Yet, they wonder why.
If you spin a web of lies, turn families against each other for personal gain or favor, it's guaranteed to come back to you in full circles.
So be careful and be wise. In this day, we all need each other because we are all one.
Today, was just a chill day. A day to just relax and reflect. But today, a day I spent in deep thoughts about forgiveness, hidden blessings and truth. Tonight, I am still thinking long and hard on how I can make a positive change within myself for the better. For while I have been so in-tuned with the world and people I know and care about and I think I have earned the time to focus on myself.
It has been a while since I have been able to write more. Now, I am going to use my time write and do what I love once again.
They say you can never stop loving the things that used to make you happy. I am learning that its true. You may not always be doing it, but its always there, deep in the soul, its always there. I have my own passions, my own dreams, dreams I once thought were long gone. I am feeling lighter and freer, seeing clearer and hearing clearer.
I stopped myself dead in my own tracks trying to figure out and sort out my emotions and situations. Man, was that the hardest thing I had to do in my life, but I had to do it, I had to stop myself from moving forward to make sense of my own life and who I was. Today, I realized I have grown up some, became more assertive and aware, knowing when it the right time to speak up and when its not. It's not easy being trapped within your own walls. I built walls for a reason, to not get hurt. Only thing was, I ended up getting hurt ten times more each time.
A wall, is usually a protective barrier for many who have been hurt very badly in their past. It helps keep some sane and feeling safe from the world around them. They know the harsh realities of life and how awful it feels to be hurt by it. They understand why its not easy to just let anyone into their world because they like it calm and peaceful. What I learned, while I was protecting my world, I was hanging and talking to the wrong people on the outside. They didn't care one bit about my own well-being. They just talked about me and made a joke out of me. In return, I actually made a fool of myself for believing some of the people I thought were "friends" were really people who just didn't like me at all.
I wasn't always big on making friends, or having a lot of friends. I always kept to myself and stayed that way. I would shy away from people because I just knew how much they were carrying in their loads. I figured, in my mind, "Why be another burden for someone? Everyone got enough on their plates as is." I figured, I would me very few good people along the way, people who would express their kindness in a manner that I am really not used to at all. In truth, I did meet very few good people and to be honest it was hard to accept their kindness for I was not used to receiving such a thing. All my life, I have been told many negative things, only because I'm a flawed human being, not perfect, and do not measure up to expectations. I do not take any pride in my achievements for I am humbled that I even accomplished the things I have. My life is no fairy tale. Yet, my life is one to know.
We walk around thinking our problems are so huge, bigger than anyone's else. The thing is, your problems are as big as you make it. I have lost people close and dear in my life and let me tell you something, death taught me well. I may be nice but I must follow my own faith. I cannot curse anyone in private or wish something bad upon one, it is not in my nature. I do as I can, faithfully. And I try my hardest to cast doubts to the side. It is through my walk with Christ, I am seeing things clearly. I am able to say, "Let him or her be." For the bible speaks of it.
I am glad and joyous in how long a way I have come. Everyday I am getting stronger, I am getting wiser, I am getting older with grace. I live my life as if it is my last and I just want to make it a meaningful journey. I know things have been said about me, to be honest, I won't concern myself with any of it for it does not matter. What matters to me is God and his opinions.
For years I listened to others and after awhile, they all faded out. Just gone. Then I thought to myself, am I a good friend, if I am then how come I'm always the last to know or how come I'm always there but they are not? I always wonder, friendship, means different to others and I noticed because I am straightforward and honest, no one doesn't want to deal with the inevitable truth. I know truth hurts, and its a piercing pain hurt when you hear the truth. At first you don't want to believe it and then you see it and the next you are in shock because you honestly are left speechless as you process the truth from within. Trying to make sense of it all, only to hit a wall that says "Dead End" and another that says "No Outlets". It's like driving on a road with no street lights, not knowing where the road turns or where you are heading because its pitched black and the lights in the front of your vehicle isn't helping you much at all.
Truth, it stings but you learn quicker to investigate and know that down the road no matter how careful we are, somehow we overlook the most obvious to believe something that is not there. Dreams are visions, but they come to life in due time. Blessings are all around and its sad that those who cannot see their blessings or count their blessings are so misled. I know how short life is, I hear resentments and regrets from those who wished they could've been a better friend or person in the one who is terminally ill or just passed. The thing is, we make mistakes and we have to forgive and move on. You only live once, so make it right while you can. You can't make things right if its only benefiting just you, it has to be fair and beneficial to others. If you live in fear that the truth will only harm you and no one else, that a selfish person who is saying I did what was right for me having no regards to the bigger picture where people have been hurt and lied to. Those kind of people, leave a mark, an unhappy one. They believe they are right even when they know deep down they are wrong, but continue to believe and convince themselves that they are right. Newsflash, when that one person wonders why nothing ever lasts or why people walked away, they will find out the hard way, that their actions and words spoke loud and clear and people decided they would be better off having nothing to say or do with them. Yet, they wonder why.
If you spin a web of lies, turn families against each other for personal gain or favor, it's guaranteed to come back to you in full circles.
So be careful and be wise. In this day, we all need each other because we are all one.
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