A Dream Deferred

Langston Hughes wrote a poem called, "A Dream Deferred", and it goes:

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load. Or does it explode?

I smile at this because it was the very first thing introduced to me when I was taking English Composition II at The College of Westchester almost seven years ago (My god its been a long time).  The question was, "What is a dream deferred?" and now as I have gained not only more insight into life itself and experiences, I gained wisdom and knowledge.  So, what is a dream deferred to you?

When I was in my late teen and early twenties, I had no idea what the future would put me through.  All I knew was, I am a hard of hearing individual who kicks ass in academics and is always on top of things.  However, that view changed when my mother was diagnose with terminal head and neck cancer.  As the first-born and the eldest (practically next in line for the eldest position in my family), I have always been the smart one, the thorough one, and the one who did not play games and got straight to the point.  That was me. Just barely 21 and I am the primary health care proxy holder for my own mother and going to school plus working two part-time jobs.  There was no time for fun or dreaming, it was all work and no play.  At that point, things got rough for me at my mom's and I knew I had to finish up school and get out.  Even as my mother beg me to stay after she would passed, I told her I couldn't and I wouldn't.  As much as I loved both of my little brothers, I wasn't going to stay under the same roof of her no good husband who threaten me many times, which was enough for me.  The situation was very harsh, but I knew I had to save myself.

You see, I would not speak ill of anyone unless they played games, threaten or try to get one over me.  However, because I am a good person with a big heart, I tend to go easy but after awhile it gets old and its my cue to go.  I am known to disappear from people lives and never look back.  Now, after a few years of partying and my fair share of bad lucks, I am finally back to my essential being.  I am finally the person who I was meant to be.

Today, the year 2011, I didn't think I would be here.  I was always depressed and personally did not see any reasons to live at times and I cannot tell you how many people made me feel like I should have been dead and better off. Now, I don't feel like that anymore.  I took a long drive to the country and decided to stay for a while and rebuild my life from scratch and that I did.

At first it wasn't easy, I was pregnant and in a bad place.  No one cared about how I felt or what I was thinking about and I felt all alone.  I had people who I consider family now who stood by me at that time and bared with me through my own issues and today we all remain a tight circle.  I have come a long way and I would be damned if I ever go back to that again.

 A dream deferred? I do not know, yet as I approach thirty in two years, my dream of becoming the first one in my family to achieve the highest possible degree is well in sight.  A dream deferred? Then I have to say yes. There is a whole lot more to life than what we know.  You don't know how things will play out and no matter how hard you try to control things and get things to go the way you want them to, the end results are not pretty.  Sometimes, in most cases, you just got to let it all go and if it comes back to you or crosses your path once again, maybe its a sign that certain people were placed into your life for a reason.  But if it doesn't come back to you, move on and continue to grow.

My dream is alive and well.  I may have a few more things I have yet to get to, but right now just one day at a time and one dream at a time.  My dream deferred is when life happens and your dreams have to take the back seat for a while.  Its frustrating and unbearable at first, but as time goes by you are becoming better prepared for what lies ahead of you.  Don't ever question your faith in your dreams, stay cool, be honest and things will come to you.

Just because things never did work out, it doesn't mean its done for.  It just means, for now it just time to focus on something else and that would be yourself. Lost? In order to be prepared for what lies ahead you must first come to terms with life and learn from it.  The dream will be there, waiting for you, just don't lose sight of it due to stubbornness or selfishness.  Be aware and know, each day you are getting stronger and better. If you feel like you are going the opposite direction, obviously you are doing something wrong - clearly you are trying to control the outcome of your life.

My dreams are real and sits in my heart.  So everyday when I wake up, I can feel that dream coming true soon.  All I need to do is do my part well and all will be great.

So what does a dream deferred mean to you? If you are interested, I would suggest reading the play "A Raisin in the Sun" and then watch the movie.  The original movie came out in 1961 and the newest version features Sean "Diddy" Combs.

Nothing is impossible because it can become possible.