The Truth May Hurt....
In the last few weeks, I have been coming to terms with different aspects of my own life. I have been learning that while I may struggle with some of my situations, the bottom line is accepting the truth.
They say the truth hurts and it does but not as bad as a lie will hurt. When we ask friends, co-workers, parents or whoever we interact with, to be honest in their answers, you'll notice they don't want to say it. The fact is no one wants to say it because they fear the relationship they have will falter. I believe everyone has their good intentions, however, it could possibly hinder the person's growth in terms of how they approach people and in what they do on a daily basis. It can also prevent them from moving forward and exploring the world in a different perspective and possibly a different attitude. A lie, will easily foster the same behavior of that person and cause that person to think they are "right" or there is nothing wrong with what they do, when there really is something wrong.
So how do you break the cycle of lying? How do you tell the person that you know, who cares about you the honest truth, knowing it will possibly hurt them? Be honest from the start, don't fabricate it, don't twist it, just be honest. Tough? It is, but I have learned that even though I have become more honest with my friends and those around me, in return, I have earned their respect and trust. I know its hard to hear to truth to start off with, its even harder to face it, however, what would you prefer? Believing your friends are right about you or someone who works in the professional workplace tell you the harsh truth that leaves you wondering and asking your friends later ifs its true. If your friends or family members begin to get uncomfortable, it signals that they "lied" to you in the first place and that is like a double blow to the stomach and the heart. It will leave you feel scarred and asking yourself, "Why weren't they honest with me about this?" Sometimes, when we love someone and we know their back story well, we try to accommodate them to protect them from what could be "potentially" harmful. The only problem is, it can kill relationships fast.
I know what's its like to be told something that I believe is not true about myself. However, we all have different perspectives on each other including ourselves. Yet, I am noticing how some people may ask questions such as, "Why does he or she act like that?" or "What is his or her problem?" and more related questions. When you ask these questions, ask yourself, "How much do I know about this person?" and "What happened in his or her life that cause them to respond or act like this?" These are questions one must ask themselves before casting their judgements or comments upon the other person. Not everyone, including myself, tell the full story of events that have taken place, for it leaves a sore scar, a scar that doesn't quite heal well. Those scars can affect everything around you. They can also alter the person's view of how this work or how the world functions around them. Sometimes, its a lingering pain that doesn't seem to quite go away, for it a constant reminder of a past failure.
Knowing this, how can one go about approaching someone they care about to point out their flaws? If you know their full history, or have a good idea of what they have been through in life, you can be gentle and kind by pulling them to the side and letting them know that first - you care about them, second - you want nothing but the best for them and third introduce a flaw or issue that is hindering their ability to fulfill a goal in their life. Let them know what they need to work on and that you are more than willing to be their guide. With this approach you are being supportive and letting the person know that you care enough about them to let them know what they need to work on. It is not lying and that is a plus. Its breaking the truth gently and offering to be of help.
In intimate relationships, telling the truth bites. You try to be forthright and you try to juggle with "Man, if I say this what is the outcome?" or "He or she doesn't have to know." ----:::WARNING!:::: -----"He or she doesn't have to know?" gets a lot of couples in trouble to start with. If you know something will have an impact on your relationship, speak up now rather than later when more evidence has build up and become apparent to the other partner. You do not know the outcome in the long run nor short run, all you know you set the tone of the relationship in how well you communicate and how well both partner are able to sit down and talk it out through active listening! Supporting each other is important as well as hearing each other out. However, when one partner confronts the other about not being honest about something that was asked previously, then turns around and tells the truth, it leave a nasty scar on the one who feels betrayed and leaves them questioning if they actually know their partner well enough. Furthermore, this is where trust is lost. Once that trust is lost, it is almost impossible to gain back, no matter how hard the other partner tries to prove themselves, it is not easy to gain it back.
We all are capable of lying to some degree, others are worst at it. However, when one asks the other to be honest, don't hold back. Try to think it out first and let the other person know that they will have an answer as soon as they can figure out a way to be honest without hurting the other feelings. No mater how well conformed we are in telling the truth as well as being honest, it will still hurt but not as bad if they are offered support. With a lie, even one little lie, once its founded out, a person will have some serious explaining to do. The most important aspect of the explaining is acknowledging that they were wrong and that they should have not done what the did or said what they have said. In other words, accept the responsibilities for their own actions. Do not blame the cell phone or anything materialistic, if you consciously made the decision to do something knowing it was wrong to do in the first place, then really the blame falls on you.
Feelings of regret and resentment will arise. Guilt will be present stronger. The person who experiences these feelings will try just about anything to make themselves feel good after a lie blew up in their face. Sometimes, how people go about dealing with it, may only harm them more than they think it will work in their favor. I know what's its like to be lied to and it hurts like a bitch (excuse the language). However, there are some things one should know before committing an act of distrust, they must question themselves and question the affects and effects of their actions. In reality, things happen so fast, no one has to time to slow down to stop and think whatever it is through until after the fact. After the fact, is when people commonly beat themselves up or criticize themselves of the choices they made in the "heat" of the moment. I know life gets that way for all of us, myself included. Yet, we must all find a better way to deal and a better way to approach each other, for it is not guaranteed that neither one of us will be here tomorrow.
I have struggled with my own personal truth and I am now almost about done accepting each one. As I continue to expand my knowledge and my experiences in life, I know for sure, tomorrow will be a better day. As a friend, I will not allow you to stray and I will fight right beside you and stand by you in order to help foster your growth and strengthen your inner self. It is not easy, cry, scream and kick, then calm down and look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Am I this person?" and "What can I do to change it?". Remember do not change for people, make the change for yourself only. When I say this, I mean really look at who you are and if you feel ugly on the inside, then only you can turn it around to make it beautiful, no one else. Do not allow others to influence your own changes for you will only be changing yourself to their favor, not yours. Remember, you are an individual and you are allowed to be yourself not another duplicate.
Pay attention and know your own truth.
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