Hidden Lessons
Recently, I was having a conversation with a good close friend of mine who has been struggling with his own past. He is a good person with a big heart, however he doesn't know how to deal with what he went through as a child and teen and he is just a year older than I. What I have noticed with many of my male friends, they all have something haunting them or something that they can't let go of or something that leaves them feeling vulnerable in certain situations. It is always something, but I tell them all to seek help and/or learn to face their fears or issues in the face. I am no expert on men, just so you know. However, I am just a mere observer of things that I can pick up on and digest it. Just take note, that both males and females struggle with one thing or another from their past and its usually something that plays a role in why they can't get ahead in life. Even when the do get ahead in life, they still don't feel satisfied and wonder why. Would the past play a role in that? If not, why? If so, why? It is the choices one individual made or is it the way one choose to live? Is it because they fear something would repeat itself or is it because they lost faith in believing things can be healed? A series of questions, indeed come up, yet I search for a connection with the human conditioning. Are there hidden lessons in our past? Maybe so.
I don't have the picture perfect family, nor do I know of one. While some families look like they have it together well, it does not necessarily mean something is not lurking behind closed doors. There is always something wrong, small or big, not everything is what it appears to be. Many assume a lot and think the ones that are "lucky" got it easy, but the truth is they don't. While it may look like one may have it easy, trust me it takes a lot of work to get from point A to point B in life to be even considered "lucky". And sometimes one may have gone through something they did not foresee at all and it literally changed how they view the world. Keep in mind, nothing is what it appears to be.
While I understand that our past can either make us or break us, it is really up to you, how you allow the past to affect your present. When one does not fully deal with their past, it drags on into the present. It prevents one from dealing with current situations effectively; it prevents one from learning how to deal appropriately with current situations; and it prevents one from see past their own logical flaws in their dealings and handling of all situations presented before them. Really it can destroy or even give one a reputation for being unable to see past a lot of key issues and/or points. No one wants to deal with one who is clearly self-destructive and does not even know it. This is where the truth comes out. One who refuses to hear or understand their own past issues, they are usually the ones who live in their own world. They are trying to live life in a world they created to protect themselves from the "outside" world. So everything they do to prevent them from facing their own past or seeking help from a professional, they believe it's for their own good. In all reality, its a disaster in the makings.
I really did not share much about what I have been through in the beginning. I blocked a lot of people out and nearly destroyed all my friendships. I kept doing things I was not suppose to be doing just to avoid dealing or facing the facts of life in the face. In the process, I became a big time b**ch. I was quick to snap back and not be sorry about it. It was that quick fix of being in "control" of the current situations. Control is the key word here. When one loses control of themselves, they try to control every possible situation that comes up. This gives them a sense of "power". With that "power" comes pride and proud, the two together is a bad mix in itself.
So as time went by, I was numb to everything around me. I did not have a single care in the world to be honest. I was being carefree and careless. I did not even care if I did not live to see one more day, I honestly did not. I was in a fight with myself literally. A part of me was like, "I care, stop doing this to yourself!" the other half was like, "Who cares? I mean really, who really cares about how I'm living my life." Indeed, it was light vs dark, good vs evil. It took me a while to come out from what many would call "rock bottom" and it did take a while. I sought help and decided to stick it out, however the first two tries I failed miserably because I was not quiet ready to help myself. It does take a lot out of one, to face the fact that they truly do need help and sometimes facing the ugly truth in the face is not the best feeling in the world. It is a disgusting feeling with and of yourself. It is mixed feelings all coming out with a heavy heart wanting to stop dead in its tracks. When one decides to finally look themselves in the mirror, really look in the mirror, it breaks the heart and their soul, for who they have become.
Some would think that it is a wake up call, but that's not quiet it. The person who has a friend who understands tough love, will show them and tell them the harsh truth and when that harsh truth comes out from the mouth of a good friend who truly cares about them, they finally breakdown and let it all out. Once the breakdown is done, one must accept the fact that they truly need help getting back on track and must be willing to help themselves get better. It is an act of self-will to want to get better. It is an act of self-realization that one needs serious help. It is an act of self-love, that pushes one to learn how to love themselves and accept themselves for who they are. Most importantly, they have to learn that their past does not define who they are. Their past contributes to who they are but it does not define them. They will learn with the appropriate help and support system, they can be a better person and they can be of a positive influence to others who are struggling with their inner demons and past. They will have a story to tell, a story that would touch many lives, a story of finding the strength to deal and learn that not everything is within their control and that one must accept they can only control how they speak, act, and react. We cannot control others, or the series of events taking place, but we can control how we will approach others and the events taking place; how we can stop and think about what they next best solution would be.
Many times, we take upon ourselves to make others happy and to keep them happy. When we do that we tend to forget about ourselves for a bit to a while. However, we can't make everyone happy because we are not responsible for others' happiness, they are responsible for their own. We can control ourselves and be responsible for ourselves, but not for others. The only time one may find the responsibility to making another happy and being responsible for is when one is a parent of a newborn and/or a minor child. That is the only time. There are jobs were one is responsible for another and it's a lot of work. But outside of work life and being a parent, one must recognized that they cannot be there for everybody and that they cannot be responsible for the choices others' made. They can be there as a friend, but they cannot be blamed nor held responsible for decisions or choices others' made. (This is about adults)
When it comes to complex situations where there are laws being broken, everyone involved will share the same responsibility and consequences to their actions and involvement. Remember, only you can control your own life, your choices and the final decisions you make. When you decide to join others in what seems to be appealing to you at that moment, you do not really know if the others' in the group will have your best interest at heart. Only you can have your own best interest in yourself. You got to learn how to trust yourself and listen to that little innocent voice in your head or heart or gut, that you are doing something wrong for you. If you back out and get taunted at, ignore it because you come out being the better person for you.
It's all about finding yourself in life. Life is a journey, a long one for a good reason. No, we do not know the answer to "Who am I?" and I say that's okay. You are a human being on a mission. Whether you believe in God or a higher power, only God knows who we truly are. He knows us down through every cell in our living bodies. He knows the pain and suffering well. His Son, Jesus, went through pain and suffering and died for us. So don't take pain and suffering the wrong way, because it is bound to make us stronger for what is to come. It is up to us, how we choose to deal and whether or not to learn from the hidden lessons during our trials and errors. It is up to us to decide whether to take responsibility for ourselves or not. It's really up to you to decide what is best for you. Don't go off hurting people to get your way. Don't go off thinking something is rightfully yours. Don't go off thinking you deserve something when you have not quiet earned it yet. Help others along the way, be a listening ear, be a friend, be a blessing in someone's life. Don't put others down, because they are already being put down by others. Just be a good soul and be considerate of yourself and others.
One must learn to understand oneself before understanding what the other is going through. So think about it. You all have a story to tell, one that requires a happy ending to it, one that requires the motivation to seek help and accept it, one that requires one to fully embrace life itself and bring a sense of comfort not only to themselves but to others as well. So tell your story with an open heart, a healed heart and let others see how bright your eyes are. Then smile and thanks God for bringing you through.
I don't have the picture perfect family, nor do I know of one. While some families look like they have it together well, it does not necessarily mean something is not lurking behind closed doors. There is always something wrong, small or big, not everything is what it appears to be. Many assume a lot and think the ones that are "lucky" got it easy, but the truth is they don't. While it may look like one may have it easy, trust me it takes a lot of work to get from point A to point B in life to be even considered "lucky". And sometimes one may have gone through something they did not foresee at all and it literally changed how they view the world. Keep in mind, nothing is what it appears to be.
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| Hidden Past Revealed by Larry Bacon |
While I understand that our past can either make us or break us, it is really up to you, how you allow the past to affect your present. When one does not fully deal with their past, it drags on into the present. It prevents one from dealing with current situations effectively; it prevents one from learning how to deal appropriately with current situations; and it prevents one from see past their own logical flaws in their dealings and handling of all situations presented before them. Really it can destroy or even give one a reputation for being unable to see past a lot of key issues and/or points. No one wants to deal with one who is clearly self-destructive and does not even know it. This is where the truth comes out. One who refuses to hear or understand their own past issues, they are usually the ones who live in their own world. They are trying to live life in a world they created to protect themselves from the "outside" world. So everything they do to prevent them from facing their own past or seeking help from a professional, they believe it's for their own good. In all reality, its a disaster in the makings.
I really did not share much about what I have been through in the beginning. I blocked a lot of people out and nearly destroyed all my friendships. I kept doing things I was not suppose to be doing just to avoid dealing or facing the facts of life in the face. In the process, I became a big time b**ch. I was quick to snap back and not be sorry about it. It was that quick fix of being in "control" of the current situations. Control is the key word here. When one loses control of themselves, they try to control every possible situation that comes up. This gives them a sense of "power". With that "power" comes pride and proud, the two together is a bad mix in itself.
So as time went by, I was numb to everything around me. I did not have a single care in the world to be honest. I was being carefree and careless. I did not even care if I did not live to see one more day, I honestly did not. I was in a fight with myself literally. A part of me was like, "I care, stop doing this to yourself!" the other half was like, "Who cares? I mean really, who really cares about how I'm living my life." Indeed, it was light vs dark, good vs evil. It took me a while to come out from what many would call "rock bottom" and it did take a while. I sought help and decided to stick it out, however the first two tries I failed miserably because I was not quiet ready to help myself. It does take a lot out of one, to face the fact that they truly do need help and sometimes facing the ugly truth in the face is not the best feeling in the world. It is a disgusting feeling with and of yourself. It is mixed feelings all coming out with a heavy heart wanting to stop dead in its tracks. When one decides to finally look themselves in the mirror, really look in the mirror, it breaks the heart and their soul, for who they have become.
Some would think that it is a wake up call, but that's not quiet it. The person who has a friend who understands tough love, will show them and tell them the harsh truth and when that harsh truth comes out from the mouth of a good friend who truly cares about them, they finally breakdown and let it all out. Once the breakdown is done, one must accept the fact that they truly need help getting back on track and must be willing to help themselves get better. It is an act of self-will to want to get better. It is an act of self-realization that one needs serious help. It is an act of self-love, that pushes one to learn how to love themselves and accept themselves for who they are. Most importantly, they have to learn that their past does not define who they are. Their past contributes to who they are but it does not define them. They will learn with the appropriate help and support system, they can be a better person and they can be of a positive influence to others who are struggling with their inner demons and past. They will have a story to tell, a story that would touch many lives, a story of finding the strength to deal and learn that not everything is within their control and that one must accept they can only control how they speak, act, and react. We cannot control others, or the series of events taking place, but we can control how we will approach others and the events taking place; how we can stop and think about what they next best solution would be.
Many times, we take upon ourselves to make others happy and to keep them happy. When we do that we tend to forget about ourselves for a bit to a while. However, we can't make everyone happy because we are not responsible for others' happiness, they are responsible for their own. We can control ourselves and be responsible for ourselves, but not for others. The only time one may find the responsibility to making another happy and being responsible for is when one is a parent of a newborn and/or a minor child. That is the only time. There are jobs were one is responsible for another and it's a lot of work. But outside of work life and being a parent, one must recognized that they cannot be there for everybody and that they cannot be responsible for the choices others' made. They can be there as a friend, but they cannot be blamed nor held responsible for decisions or choices others' made. (This is about adults)
When it comes to complex situations where there are laws being broken, everyone involved will share the same responsibility and consequences to their actions and involvement. Remember, only you can control your own life, your choices and the final decisions you make. When you decide to join others in what seems to be appealing to you at that moment, you do not really know if the others' in the group will have your best interest at heart. Only you can have your own best interest in yourself. You got to learn how to trust yourself and listen to that little innocent voice in your head or heart or gut, that you are doing something wrong for you. If you back out and get taunted at, ignore it because you come out being the better person for you.
It's all about finding yourself in life. Life is a journey, a long one for a good reason. No, we do not know the answer to "Who am I?" and I say that's okay. You are a human being on a mission. Whether you believe in God or a higher power, only God knows who we truly are. He knows us down through every cell in our living bodies. He knows the pain and suffering well. His Son, Jesus, went through pain and suffering and died for us. So don't take pain and suffering the wrong way, because it is bound to make us stronger for what is to come. It is up to us, how we choose to deal and whether or not to learn from the hidden lessons during our trials and errors. It is up to us to decide whether to take responsibility for ourselves or not. It's really up to you to decide what is best for you. Don't go off hurting people to get your way. Don't go off thinking something is rightfully yours. Don't go off thinking you deserve something when you have not quiet earned it yet. Help others along the way, be a listening ear, be a friend, be a blessing in someone's life. Don't put others down, because they are already being put down by others. Just be a good soul and be considerate of yourself and others.
One must learn to understand oneself before understanding what the other is going through. So think about it. You all have a story to tell, one that requires a happy ending to it, one that requires the motivation to seek help and accept it, one that requires one to fully embrace life itself and bring a sense of comfort not only to themselves but to others as well. So tell your story with an open heart, a healed heart and let others see how bright your eyes are. Then smile and thanks God for bringing you through.
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