Rock and Hard Place
Things have changed in terms of moods and emotions lately. I know where my loyalty lies but for one to question my loyalty to them, hmmm....it only makes me wonder if they truly respect the position I find myself in. Trust me, I avoid including people in my life for a reason and I honestly don't feel like explaining the why especially now.
My loyalty will always lie with my blood relatives, no questions asked. As for those who have know me for more than a decade I do consider them extended family, but for those who have known me for less and decided to "volunteer" to make me and my son a part of their family, I'm sorry but I seriously have a problem with that.
I am my own person and my own individual. I take pride in my own work and making a name for myself on my own terms. I do not associate my name with anyone else's and I usually keep it that way.
I usually don't ask for help or ask for advice, I was raised to solve my own problems and come up with my own solutions. I did not have anyone offering solutions or their own opinions for I never asked. Now I feel like, I'm in a battle for my own life once again and to keep my distant I usually do the last thing I really want to do.
Its just frustrating and I am not one to hurt others. Yes, I am aware of my own situation and yes, I am aware of what I am capable of. And no I don't like being told of how much talent I have, when I am also aware of how much more capable I can be.
Now I am in the middle of trying to find some groundings and draw lines where lines should not be crossed. I know who I am, but when I am ready to show the world who I am, it will be on my own time. I understand life is precious, but that does not mean I am going to rush it. I lost a whole lot in my 29 years of life as is. I do have my own regrets when it comes to matters of the heart. I won't say what my own heart feels especially when I know what will be said and it's usually ends with the blame game after I express my own feelings. And I am tired of this cycle and tired of fighting and tired of having to explain myself. Overall I am just tired.
My life does not belong to anyone. I do not owe anyone anything. I owe it to myself to be who I am. I'm not perfect and I don't view myself as such. I am human and I am capable of making mistakes and at least I am willing to admit that much.
A rock and hard place, a place where my heart gets squeezed and my soul gets pulled in all different directions. Only those who are close to me know why I prefer to live away from mankind and in the depth of the woods in a beautifully built cabin. I'm just done with drama and people in general. Life is so much more peaceful when surrounded by nature because you feel whole and no one can take that away from you.
I know I cannot please everyone and I know I cannot make everyone happy. But by the end of the day, it truly takes a toll on me. So no matter what, I retreat and just want to have my own time to think and be left alone. Single mom or not, I'm a grown woman who is another human being and life is a trial of struggles and overcoming obstacles. Now I must follow my heart and it does not feel good at all.
My loyalty will always lie with my blood relatives, no questions asked. As for those who have know me for more than a decade I do consider them extended family, but for those who have known me for less and decided to "volunteer" to make me and my son a part of their family, I'm sorry but I seriously have a problem with that.
I am my own person and my own individual. I take pride in my own work and making a name for myself on my own terms. I do not associate my name with anyone else's and I usually keep it that way.
I usually don't ask for help or ask for advice, I was raised to solve my own problems and come up with my own solutions. I did not have anyone offering solutions or their own opinions for I never asked. Now I feel like, I'm in a battle for my own life once again and to keep my distant I usually do the last thing I really want to do.
Its just frustrating and I am not one to hurt others. Yes, I am aware of my own situation and yes, I am aware of what I am capable of. And no I don't like being told of how much talent I have, when I am also aware of how much more capable I can be.
Now I am in the middle of trying to find some groundings and draw lines where lines should not be crossed. I know who I am, but when I am ready to show the world who I am, it will be on my own time. I understand life is precious, but that does not mean I am going to rush it. I lost a whole lot in my 29 years of life as is. I do have my own regrets when it comes to matters of the heart. I won't say what my own heart feels especially when I know what will be said and it's usually ends with the blame game after I express my own feelings. And I am tired of this cycle and tired of fighting and tired of having to explain myself. Overall I am just tired.
My life does not belong to anyone. I do not owe anyone anything. I owe it to myself to be who I am. I'm not perfect and I don't view myself as such. I am human and I am capable of making mistakes and at least I am willing to admit that much.
A rock and hard place, a place where my heart gets squeezed and my soul gets pulled in all different directions. Only those who are close to me know why I prefer to live away from mankind and in the depth of the woods in a beautifully built cabin. I'm just done with drama and people in general. Life is so much more peaceful when surrounded by nature because you feel whole and no one can take that away from you.
I know I cannot please everyone and I know I cannot make everyone happy. But by the end of the day, it truly takes a toll on me. So no matter what, I retreat and just want to have my own time to think and be left alone. Single mom or not, I'm a grown woman who is another human being and life is a trial of struggles and overcoming obstacles. Now I must follow my heart and it does not feel good at all.
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