Striving to make the best of life
As I have previously wrote in my blog about going for the Cochlear Implant, I am striving to do more with my own life.
Being hard of hearing and turning late deafen is not something anyone wants to go through, but it happens. As I have been struggling for the last few years here in Buffalo, NY, I just find that the area I am in does not want to hire people with disabilities unless they are backed by an agency. I find the practice to be unfair and discouraging. I never ever in my life used an agency in helping me secure a job. I have taken advantage of getting help with my educational studies but not for finding a job since I did pretty well on my own. Yet, circumstances changes and not everyone is accommodating. So life gets easily frustrating on a lot of days.
While I am still learning about trying to find ways to gain employment, living off a fixed income is really killing me. I usually am able to keep a balance between everything but as prices increases, my savings account has to be shut down and now any type of income I have goes all towards bills. No spending allowed. I do what I need to do in order to stay in touch. I usually do most of my communications by email, text or instant messaging. So I need the internet to stay in contact. Without it, I'm pretty much cut off from the world that takes hearing for granted.
I have been trying to finish up school for the last decade. The pattern has been I would start, then stop. Start and stop again and start and stop and it goes on. This is a pattern that I did not intentionally plan on doing. I should have been finishing up with my degree next spring but instead little issues with family members kept popping up and then the stress from that plus my studies just caused my entire immune system to shut down causing me to take three medical leaves. Now, I may have an opportunity to attend another school, a school I was somewhat considering before I made my move out here to Buffalo. RIT/NTID based in Rochester, NY is a well known school for catering to the deaf and hard of hearing students. They have amazing programs to help the deaf and hard of hearing to secure a job with big and small companies, which is something I need to have in place. While I am an alumni of a small private business school, I do have a lifetime of career placement with them but even I struggled to secure a job after graduating from them. The problem was no one knew how to handle a hard of hearing individual.
Hearing is central to the platform of communication for everyone however when hearing loss comes into play, communication is affected on all levels. Don't think for one moment that those who are dealing with hearing loss don't get it, they do, trust me and it is very frustrating when no one has the patience to help or assists in the communication aspect of things. Some people with hearing loss withdraw from certain social activities because they can no longer make out what is being said. They know for themselves that they could potentially say something wrong to change the setting of the mood for the overall group. As you can imagine, its not a good feeling to have being the "party pooper". I used to be outgoing, chatty and having fun. As time passed, I withdrew from all social activities because of the fact that I could barely give a proper response or I would change the topic. Since I became a mom, socializing with other moms, is not easy. All I can do is smile and be nice to their kids. I would love to strike up a conversation, but I just feel like it just would not make a difference because at the moment my own confident is taking a beating from not being able to hear or really communicate.
There is more to life, however how can I strive in a world that is known but not known to me? I don't fit in the hearing world yet I don't fit in with the deaf world. I am in the middle of the two. I am not alone in being considered in the middle. Since I noticed many have been misinformed, hard of hearing in my opinion are people who can hear with the assistance of technology such as hearing aids and cochlear implants or other devices that are used to help an individual hear. Being deaf means their is no residual hearing that can be used naturally, therefore you have a Deaf Culture that embraces their own and take pride in communicating in their own language, which is a beautiful language ASL. There is more to the Deaf Culture that many are not willing to admit, however I cannot speak for the deaf, for I really only know of. If I was to attend a deaf meeting, it would have me totally loss and out of place. Now as for hearing culture, it's a challenge and its a big one. Many who never had a hearing loss may struggle to understand exactly how much one can hear. In my shoes, listening is like taking an intensive listening course where you give it 110%. By the time you are done listening intensively you are exhausted and all you want to do is relax in complete silent for a few hours. That is what listening is like for those who do deal with different degrees of hearing lost. And the worst the hearing is, the more an individual will have to work harder at listening. Its tiring as the brain tries to absorb the information to generate a possible "correct" response. This is something anyone with hearing loss would deal with.
While many who do consider themselves in the middle, namely hard of hearing, I say why not embrace our own "middle" group. We can all relate to each other in terms of experiences and dealing with many who lack the knowledge of understanding our own group. Everyone is different, yet telling their stories along with their struggles can give someone a sense of hope to know their are others who are just like them. Its not easy living in the hearing world, its hard and finding resources can be a challenge at different times. I'm not the best at asking for help since I end up feeling guilty afterward so I just continue to keep struggling so no one can throw back the help they gave to me - THE GUILT TRIP. If anyone doesn't want to help, just don't. If you are going to throw something back in someone's face, particularly mine's, don't expect me to ask of anything or even speak to you, I know when I am unwelcomed.
I am a loner for the most part, I stay in contact with just five people who are close to me and that's it. Everyone else, I just wish them all the best and may they find whatever it is that makes them happy. As for me, since I don't have close ties to keeping me in one location, I can easily relocate without a problem and look forward to a new life where the hard of hearing and deaf cultures strive. All I need to do is figure out what I need to do to get to that point. I want to know other people who are hard of hearing. I want to learn more about the deaf culture and what they do the strive in this world. I want to expose my son to these two somewhat similar worlds even though he is a normal hearing child - he is considered a CODA (Child of Deaf Adult). There are things I do need to do, one of them is trying to manage to get a job that won't actually discriminate against me.
Job hunting has gotten so frustrating that I swear the government is keeping people on the system instead of installing a program of self-sufficiency along with it. If you want more people to contribute, develop a program that will not only help with getting a GED or job training but help people become more self-sufficient by slowly reducing their benefits as they learn to balance out their own budgets and then stay in the program for two full years after all benefits have been stopped just to make sure they stay on track with balancing out their budget sheets.
That is all I have for today. I do wish my readers a great day and til next time.
Being hard of hearing and turning late deafen is not something anyone wants to go through, but it happens. As I have been struggling for the last few years here in Buffalo, NY, I just find that the area I am in does not want to hire people with disabilities unless they are backed by an agency. I find the practice to be unfair and discouraging. I never ever in my life used an agency in helping me secure a job. I have taken advantage of getting help with my educational studies but not for finding a job since I did pretty well on my own. Yet, circumstances changes and not everyone is accommodating. So life gets easily frustrating on a lot of days.
While I am still learning about trying to find ways to gain employment, living off a fixed income is really killing me. I usually am able to keep a balance between everything but as prices increases, my savings account has to be shut down and now any type of income I have goes all towards bills. No spending allowed. I do what I need to do in order to stay in touch. I usually do most of my communications by email, text or instant messaging. So I need the internet to stay in contact. Without it, I'm pretty much cut off from the world that takes hearing for granted.
I have been trying to finish up school for the last decade. The pattern has been I would start, then stop. Start and stop again and start and stop and it goes on. This is a pattern that I did not intentionally plan on doing. I should have been finishing up with my degree next spring but instead little issues with family members kept popping up and then the stress from that plus my studies just caused my entire immune system to shut down causing me to take three medical leaves. Now, I may have an opportunity to attend another school, a school I was somewhat considering before I made my move out here to Buffalo. RIT/NTID based in Rochester, NY is a well known school for catering to the deaf and hard of hearing students. They have amazing programs to help the deaf and hard of hearing to secure a job with big and small companies, which is something I need to have in place. While I am an alumni of a small private business school, I do have a lifetime of career placement with them but even I struggled to secure a job after graduating from them. The problem was no one knew how to handle a hard of hearing individual.
Hearing is central to the platform of communication for everyone however when hearing loss comes into play, communication is affected on all levels. Don't think for one moment that those who are dealing with hearing loss don't get it, they do, trust me and it is very frustrating when no one has the patience to help or assists in the communication aspect of things. Some people with hearing loss withdraw from certain social activities because they can no longer make out what is being said. They know for themselves that they could potentially say something wrong to change the setting of the mood for the overall group. As you can imagine, its not a good feeling to have being the "party pooper". I used to be outgoing, chatty and having fun. As time passed, I withdrew from all social activities because of the fact that I could barely give a proper response or I would change the topic. Since I became a mom, socializing with other moms, is not easy. All I can do is smile and be nice to their kids. I would love to strike up a conversation, but I just feel like it just would not make a difference because at the moment my own confident is taking a beating from not being able to hear or really communicate.
There is more to life, however how can I strive in a world that is known but not known to me? I don't fit in the hearing world yet I don't fit in with the deaf world. I am in the middle of the two. I am not alone in being considered in the middle. Since I noticed many have been misinformed, hard of hearing in my opinion are people who can hear with the assistance of technology such as hearing aids and cochlear implants or other devices that are used to help an individual hear. Being deaf means their is no residual hearing that can be used naturally, therefore you have a Deaf Culture that embraces their own and take pride in communicating in their own language, which is a beautiful language ASL. There is more to the Deaf Culture that many are not willing to admit, however I cannot speak for the deaf, for I really only know of. If I was to attend a deaf meeting, it would have me totally loss and out of place. Now as for hearing culture, it's a challenge and its a big one. Many who never had a hearing loss may struggle to understand exactly how much one can hear. In my shoes, listening is like taking an intensive listening course where you give it 110%. By the time you are done listening intensively you are exhausted and all you want to do is relax in complete silent for a few hours. That is what listening is like for those who do deal with different degrees of hearing lost. And the worst the hearing is, the more an individual will have to work harder at listening. Its tiring as the brain tries to absorb the information to generate a possible "correct" response. This is something anyone with hearing loss would deal with.
While many who do consider themselves in the middle, namely hard of hearing, I say why not embrace our own "middle" group. We can all relate to each other in terms of experiences and dealing with many who lack the knowledge of understanding our own group. Everyone is different, yet telling their stories along with their struggles can give someone a sense of hope to know their are others who are just like them. Its not easy living in the hearing world, its hard and finding resources can be a challenge at different times. I'm not the best at asking for help since I end up feeling guilty afterward so I just continue to keep struggling so no one can throw back the help they gave to me - THE GUILT TRIP. If anyone doesn't want to help, just don't. If you are going to throw something back in someone's face, particularly mine's, don't expect me to ask of anything or even speak to you, I know when I am unwelcomed.
I am a loner for the most part, I stay in contact with just five people who are close to me and that's it. Everyone else, I just wish them all the best and may they find whatever it is that makes them happy. As for me, since I don't have close ties to keeping me in one location, I can easily relocate without a problem and look forward to a new life where the hard of hearing and deaf cultures strive. All I need to do is figure out what I need to do to get to that point. I want to know other people who are hard of hearing. I want to learn more about the deaf culture and what they do the strive in this world. I want to expose my son to these two somewhat similar worlds even though he is a normal hearing child - he is considered a CODA (Child of Deaf Adult). There are things I do need to do, one of them is trying to manage to get a job that won't actually discriminate against me.
Job hunting has gotten so frustrating that I swear the government is keeping people on the system instead of installing a program of self-sufficiency along with it. If you want more people to contribute, develop a program that will not only help with getting a GED or job training but help people become more self-sufficient by slowly reducing their benefits as they learn to balance out their own budgets and then stay in the program for two full years after all benefits have been stopped just to make sure they stay on track with balancing out their budget sheets.
That is all I have for today. I do wish my readers a great day and til next time.
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