Wondering....
The last few days I have been doing a lot of thinking. Usually, the only time I do the most thinking is when I realize I don't have much on my schedule to do that day. When I have those "off" days, I go into a "blah" mode because I am used to always doing something, but unfortunately my desktop computer was out of commission the last three days and as a result I ended up drawing once again.
I was just figuring out how to get the neck and the head to look a bit more realistic. It's been a long, long, long time since I actually took the time to really focus on detail instead of a quick rough sketch. Then little by little I started to get back my first noticeable talent which was Visual Arts. I do miss doing art in my spare time, but between managing a household, single parenthood, my social media duties and life in general, there is no time to really sit down to read or draw. Writing - I could easily do as it is just free writing, so I can do that anytime I want and not really worry about time as I write right before I turn in for the evening.
So this whole thinking deal got me thinking about where I want to be and what I want to do. Since I'm still rehabbing my right implanted ear, I am trying my best to get comfortable with relying on that ear without my left hearing aid. It is so weird in the differences I hear in both ears. It's like my hearing aid acts like a bass and the cochlear implant acts as that microphone that picks up the quieter sounds that I could never pick up with my hearing aid ear. I do end up being tired and run down as it feels like its the battle of loudness in hearing. My brain this week has been officially exhausted from listening and I would know by a headache that is now on day two. Sleep is a must but with a five year old kid...forget about it. So I'm usually on autopilot and in the overdrive mode. So, a much needed vacation would be nice, but I had to settle for camping for a few days over traveling to PA for two weeks to attend a surprised bridal shower and hang out with a few people I've known since my early days of running.
I'm not one to ask for help much because of the labels and the assumptions that follow. I actually would rather have a car, a job, and a house because I would be independent of such criticism (It gets old after a while) . But unfortunately, I gotta deal with discriminatory hiring practices, no car, limited fix budget, and assumptions from people who don't understand the life of someone who has been hard of hearing while going deaf. Its not a walk in the park. So I do have to work ten times harder to figure out ways on how to ace a interview, what ways can I promote the skills I am strongest in, how can I present myself in a way my hearing loss won't be an issue, how can I overcome a million and one things that hearing individuals without a disability don't really have to face. I've been out of the workforce for three years but gave up two years ago on looking for a job as my hearing was not doing me any justice in the interviewing process. I repeatedly asked the interviewer to repeat the questions in an environment that was filled with intercom systems, phone calls and so forth. Eventually I had to say, I am hard of hearing can you please repeat that because I couldn't hear over the intercom system. Before I knew it, my interview was cut short. Sounds fair? No, it doesn't. But that is the reality for some who are hard of hearing and/or losing their hearing.
I have read articles about how to deal with hearing loss during the job search, interview process and on the job. I have done my research and all, but when it comes to it, I get shot down. I know I lack experience due to the lack of getting hired so that could be a give away for me, but I always ask how do u expect me to get hired. Even while trying to find internships, I got shut down. Yet, I look around and my peers are just starting their careers and are able to do so and I feel like the odd one out. I want to travel, I want to visit my friends for once in my life. I want to be able to explore and expand my horizon. I have about 80+ credits towards my bachelors but can't finish because I got to pay back one student loan and the school itself, before I can qualify for additional aid. Go figured! I'm done with student loans as I look over my finances, no way am I willing to put myself under. I'm an honor student but if no one is willing to give this gal a shot, I gotta make sure my finances can help not only myself but my son. Realistically, when you're a single parent and technically deaf, you face a lot of road blocks. So in the meantime, I will work on a side project and hope that something or someone will finally give me a chance.
I will go in depth about my experiences a bit more at another time. I have held jobs with wonderful people and boy do I miss working with them. I do work non-profit sector as it is community based and it gives back. I love working in the non-profit sector as it ties into my future goals I have. Well that's all for now. I'm exhausted now.
I was just figuring out how to get the neck and the head to look a bit more realistic. It's been a long, long, long time since I actually took the time to really focus on detail instead of a quick rough sketch. Then little by little I started to get back my first noticeable talent which was Visual Arts. I do miss doing art in my spare time, but between managing a household, single parenthood, my social media duties and life in general, there is no time to really sit down to read or draw. Writing - I could easily do as it is just free writing, so I can do that anytime I want and not really worry about time as I write right before I turn in for the evening.
So this whole thinking deal got me thinking about where I want to be and what I want to do. Since I'm still rehabbing my right implanted ear, I am trying my best to get comfortable with relying on that ear without my left hearing aid. It is so weird in the differences I hear in both ears. It's like my hearing aid acts like a bass and the cochlear implant acts as that microphone that picks up the quieter sounds that I could never pick up with my hearing aid ear. I do end up being tired and run down as it feels like its the battle of loudness in hearing. My brain this week has been officially exhausted from listening and I would know by a headache that is now on day two. Sleep is a must but with a five year old kid...forget about it. So I'm usually on autopilot and in the overdrive mode. So, a much needed vacation would be nice, but I had to settle for camping for a few days over traveling to PA for two weeks to attend a surprised bridal shower and hang out with a few people I've known since my early days of running.
I'm not one to ask for help much because of the labels and the assumptions that follow. I actually would rather have a car, a job, and a house because I would be independent of such criticism (It gets old after a while) . But unfortunately, I gotta deal with discriminatory hiring practices, no car, limited fix budget, and assumptions from people who don't understand the life of someone who has been hard of hearing while going deaf. Its not a walk in the park. So I do have to work ten times harder to figure out ways on how to ace a interview, what ways can I promote the skills I am strongest in, how can I present myself in a way my hearing loss won't be an issue, how can I overcome a million and one things that hearing individuals without a disability don't really have to face. I've been out of the workforce for three years but gave up two years ago on looking for a job as my hearing was not doing me any justice in the interviewing process. I repeatedly asked the interviewer to repeat the questions in an environment that was filled with intercom systems, phone calls and so forth. Eventually I had to say, I am hard of hearing can you please repeat that because I couldn't hear over the intercom system. Before I knew it, my interview was cut short. Sounds fair? No, it doesn't. But that is the reality for some who are hard of hearing and/or losing their hearing.
I have read articles about how to deal with hearing loss during the job search, interview process and on the job. I have done my research and all, but when it comes to it, I get shot down. I know I lack experience due to the lack of getting hired so that could be a give away for me, but I always ask how do u expect me to get hired. Even while trying to find internships, I got shut down. Yet, I look around and my peers are just starting their careers and are able to do so and I feel like the odd one out. I want to travel, I want to visit my friends for once in my life. I want to be able to explore and expand my horizon. I have about 80+ credits towards my bachelors but can't finish because I got to pay back one student loan and the school itself, before I can qualify for additional aid. Go figured! I'm done with student loans as I look over my finances, no way am I willing to put myself under. I'm an honor student but if no one is willing to give this gal a shot, I gotta make sure my finances can help not only myself but my son. Realistically, when you're a single parent and technically deaf, you face a lot of road blocks. So in the meantime, I will work on a side project and hope that something or someone will finally give me a chance.
I will go in depth about my experiences a bit more at another time. I have held jobs with wonderful people and boy do I miss working with them. I do work non-profit sector as it is community based and it gives back. I love working in the non-profit sector as it ties into my future goals I have. Well that's all for now. I'm exhausted now.
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