"Let it Go"
This morning I woke up feeling refreshed. After saying my prayers last night I felt such peace. I put my concerns and worries in God's hands because I'm just a mere human being who can't do EVERYTHING on her own, but I can control what I react to and what I choose to do about the things that matter to me.
Lately, I've been in my "thinking" zone as I try to figure out what to do with my life, not as if I don't have enough going on as is, but the direction I would like to see my life go in. Then I thought about something, "Let it go", a phrase used in so many situations that I don't think many realize the many different reasons and "levels" of letting go. Letting go is really a process. Some can let something go like a drop of a dime. Some can let something go, but not completely - they retain it. Some take a long time processing what happened, how it happened, why it happened, when it happened and who did or said what....analyzing every facet of a situation and struggling with the cold harsh truth that lies within the answers to those questions. The thing is, I found in my experience, when someone else tells you what THEY think or know what happened they try to either blame you for the things that happened or help you in a calm and gentle way to understand it for yourself. When one seems to blame you, it's a guilt trip for you and even if they say it's not to make you feel bad, they obviously aren't considering your emotions or your own personal thoughts or how you saw things from your perspective. Not everyone sees a situation in the same light or experiences the same situation in the same manner. Why I say that? While emotions may be similar, the thought process is what sets two or more people apart. What one sees through their lens may not be the same sets of lens another person is look through. Perspectives - are either going to be slightly different or similar or completely different. This is where people will usually start either agreeing or disagreeing.
When I hear people talk about their situations, I don't try to act like I know how to better handle their situation or really say much about it. I just really listen. I know when it comes to understanding our friends' life choices, we all want whats best for them, we do, but sometimes we become so emotionally involved with their choices, pleading with them and warning them, that we lose sight that we are not them, we don't know what emotional ties are in those situations that tie their friends down in what we may see in a negative light. We don't know every little detail of their relationships. Sometimes we get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again we reach that point of telling them to "Let it go" or "Let it go and deal with it". Right then and there, they feel either shunned or caught off guard by that response. Some may take it personal, some may take it semi-personal and some may just not take it at all and blow it over. However, even if one doesn't really take it personally, a part of them will and it will most likely be a wake up call for them to evaluate their own lives and what they need to do.
I can't tell my ladies what to do or how to be, because I have already accepted them for who they are. No, we may not agree on every little thing but at least there is a mutual understanding involved. I could decide to be single for as long as I want to be and many would probably argue the reasons why I shouldn't be. However, by the end of the day if I feel comfortable just being by myself, than that is something that would work for me. Not everyone is going to be able to see a life without having a partner but some people can and in a way they still feel content. Just like how many couples can't see being without their partner, because
they are content with each other and accept each other. Yet, many other factors that are unbeknownst to us also contributes to one's choices. Life is unpredictable, but in order to grow from something, letting go is a part of that growing process. Letting go is not something that happens overnight. It does take time. If one was to rush it, then part of letting go is not done properly. So when someone or a similar situation comes up, its only natural to go back to the "old state" of comparing and complaining about something that happened THEN. To be in the NOW, one would exhibit behaviors of consciousness, awareness, and caution because they know they are in a different place and would not want to make the same mistake twice. Sometimes, letting go means weaning off some people by talking less and less to them until all communications ceases. Sometimes weaning requires other methods to give one a sense of peace and comfort in their own skin. Sometimes weaning means compromising in some cases. Sometimes it just means a relationship (any kind that is) has come to an end that no one is no longer benefiting from the situation overall. This really is a personal choice for individuals and no one can make or tell them how to let go. It really is an individual's choice because they are the ones who have to deal with it and go through it, not you or me, them. So yes, it will be like watching a explosion or a horrible accident about to happen. But as a good friend, just be there to listen and don't criticize or put them down, because letting something or someone go can be emotionally, physically and mentally draining. No need to add on. They got to process it for themselves and find a way for them to grow from it. Yes, with a little help and positive encouragements, they will be fine. Just allow them to let out their thoughts, emotions and whatever it is they need to release.
I have been in many different situations, sometimes all at once. Yet, I find it a challenge because I am living with a profound hearing loss aka deafness and been hard of hearing all my life. I grew up in the hearing world and trust me, I understand how difficult it is and its hard because you already know you have to let things go or else it can cripple you some more. Don't let things cripple you or people for that matter. Let them go. There is a saying, "Your friends know you when you are doing well but you learn who your real friends are in bad times". That goes for anyone really. You learn who is real and who isn't. You learn truth in the process and it's not such an easy pill to swallow.
Letting go is not the same for everyone. Many of us invest different aspect of our lives in so many ways. Its easy to be hurt for some time being and it's not the "ideal" way most want it to be, but its reality. If life was like a computer, it would be too easy to start over because you can delete all the memories, the moments and lessons already learned. But you would still hit the same problems because the moments and lessons learned are not around to help you. So, its a repeat. No matter how painful things will get, it is very important to find means to deal with it in a healthy manner. Be it counseling, writing, music or a combination of things to make sense out of whatever it is one is going through, as long as you show how much you value yourself and your future self. Things can look bleak at first, but it does get better as long as one make the choices that will be of benefit in a positive manner. No all choices will be easy. Some may require one to put their pride to the side. Some may require one to give up something near and dear to them. Some may require one to make a choice that is beyond their comprehension but know deep down somehow its the choice they have to make for themselves. No one said life would be easy. Life in every sense of the word is all about the choices we make as individuals. Yet, choices do have their side effects on others and no, we cannot live our lives pleasing others. Sometimes the ones who understand you and your choices are usually the ones who have most likely gone through it at some point of time in their lives. So they get it, while most may not. You kind of learn from the maturity of those who just get it when no one else does.
In terms of spiritual needs, letting go is like lifting a burden off your soul and your spirit. It's like an enlightening experience to further your understanding to a deeper level. Yet, it does make the process a bit lighter to handle and to grow from. In the end its almost freeing. So, if one does not like when another says, "Get over it!", I'm pretty sure when their time comes they ain't going to like that saying at all either. So all I advise is to think before saying anything alone the lines of "Get over it!" or "Let it go already!". Some things bothers people more than it may bother one person, so give them space and time to come to it on their own terms. I'm sure they will appreciate that, I know I would.
Til next time.
Lately, I've been in my "thinking" zone as I try to figure out what to do with my life, not as if I don't have enough going on as is, but the direction I would like to see my life go in. Then I thought about something, "Let it go", a phrase used in so many situations that I don't think many realize the many different reasons and "levels" of letting go. Letting go is really a process. Some can let something go like a drop of a dime. Some can let something go, but not completely - they retain it. Some take a long time processing what happened, how it happened, why it happened, when it happened and who did or said what....analyzing every facet of a situation and struggling with the cold harsh truth that lies within the answers to those questions. The thing is, I found in my experience, when someone else tells you what THEY think or know what happened they try to either blame you for the things that happened or help you in a calm and gentle way to understand it for yourself. When one seems to blame you, it's a guilt trip for you and even if they say it's not to make you feel bad, they obviously aren't considering your emotions or your own personal thoughts or how you saw things from your perspective. Not everyone sees a situation in the same light or experiences the same situation in the same manner. Why I say that? While emotions may be similar, the thought process is what sets two or more people apart. What one sees through their lens may not be the same sets of lens another person is look through. Perspectives - are either going to be slightly different or similar or completely different. This is where people will usually start either agreeing or disagreeing.
When I hear people talk about their situations, I don't try to act like I know how to better handle their situation or really say much about it. I just really listen. I know when it comes to understanding our friends' life choices, we all want whats best for them, we do, but sometimes we become so emotionally involved with their choices, pleading with them and warning them, that we lose sight that we are not them, we don't know what emotional ties are in those situations that tie their friends down in what we may see in a negative light. We don't know every little detail of their relationships. Sometimes we get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again we reach that point of telling them to "Let it go" or "Let it go and deal with it". Right then and there, they feel either shunned or caught off guard by that response. Some may take it personal, some may take it semi-personal and some may just not take it at all and blow it over. However, even if one doesn't really take it personally, a part of them will and it will most likely be a wake up call for them to evaluate their own lives and what they need to do.
I can't tell my ladies what to do or how to be, because I have already accepted them for who they are. No, we may not agree on every little thing but at least there is a mutual understanding involved. I could decide to be single for as long as I want to be and many would probably argue the reasons why I shouldn't be. However, by the end of the day if I feel comfortable just being by myself, than that is something that would work for me. Not everyone is going to be able to see a life without having a partner but some people can and in a way they still feel content. Just like how many couples can't see being without their partner, because
they are content with each other and accept each other. Yet, many other factors that are unbeknownst to us also contributes to one's choices. Life is unpredictable, but in order to grow from something, letting go is a part of that growing process. Letting go is not something that happens overnight. It does take time. If one was to rush it, then part of letting go is not done properly. So when someone or a similar situation comes up, its only natural to go back to the "old state" of comparing and complaining about something that happened THEN. To be in the NOW, one would exhibit behaviors of consciousness, awareness, and caution because they know they are in a different place and would not want to make the same mistake twice. Sometimes, letting go means weaning off some people by talking less and less to them until all communications ceases. Sometimes weaning requires other methods to give one a sense of peace and comfort in their own skin. Sometimes weaning means compromising in some cases. Sometimes it just means a relationship (any kind that is) has come to an end that no one is no longer benefiting from the situation overall. This really is a personal choice for individuals and no one can make or tell them how to let go. It really is an individual's choice because they are the ones who have to deal with it and go through it, not you or me, them. So yes, it will be like watching a explosion or a horrible accident about to happen. But as a good friend, just be there to listen and don't criticize or put them down, because letting something or someone go can be emotionally, physically and mentally draining. No need to add on. They got to process it for themselves and find a way for them to grow from it. Yes, with a little help and positive encouragements, they will be fine. Just allow them to let out their thoughts, emotions and whatever it is they need to release.I have been in many different situations, sometimes all at once. Yet, I find it a challenge because I am living with a profound hearing loss aka deafness and been hard of hearing all my life. I grew up in the hearing world and trust me, I understand how difficult it is and its hard because you already know you have to let things go or else it can cripple you some more. Don't let things cripple you or people for that matter. Let them go. There is a saying, "Your friends know you when you are doing well but you learn who your real friends are in bad times". That goes for anyone really. You learn who is real and who isn't. You learn truth in the process and it's not such an easy pill to swallow.
Letting go is not the same for everyone. Many of us invest different aspect of our lives in so many ways. Its easy to be hurt for some time being and it's not the "ideal" way most want it to be, but its reality. If life was like a computer, it would be too easy to start over because you can delete all the memories, the moments and lessons already learned. But you would still hit the same problems because the moments and lessons learned are not around to help you. So, its a repeat. No matter how painful things will get, it is very important to find means to deal with it in a healthy manner. Be it counseling, writing, music or a combination of things to make sense out of whatever it is one is going through, as long as you show how much you value yourself and your future self. Things can look bleak at first, but it does get better as long as one make the choices that will be of benefit in a positive manner. No all choices will be easy. Some may require one to put their pride to the side. Some may require one to give up something near and dear to them. Some may require one to make a choice that is beyond their comprehension but know deep down somehow its the choice they have to make for themselves. No one said life would be easy. Life in every sense of the word is all about the choices we make as individuals. Yet, choices do have their side effects on others and no, we cannot live our lives pleasing others. Sometimes the ones who understand you and your choices are usually the ones who have most likely gone through it at some point of time in their lives. So they get it, while most may not. You kind of learn from the maturity of those who just get it when no one else does.
In terms of spiritual needs, letting go is like lifting a burden off your soul and your spirit. It's like an enlightening experience to further your understanding to a deeper level. Yet, it does make the process a bit lighter to handle and to grow from. In the end its almost freeing. So, if one does not like when another says, "Get over it!", I'm pretty sure when their time comes they ain't going to like that saying at all either. So all I advise is to think before saying anything alone the lines of "Get over it!" or "Let it go already!". Some things bothers people more than it may bother one person, so give them space and time to come to it on their own terms. I'm sure they will appreciate that, I know I would.
Til next time.
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