The Past....How can you learn from it?
"View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things
from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, 'What
was I thinking,' breathe and ask yourself the kinder question, 'What
was I learning?'" ~Karen Salmansohn
The above mentioned quote got me thinking and I got to say, we all beat ourselves up over something that has or had already happened be it big or small. Yet, we fail to ask ourselves "What was I learning?"
I have heard people tell me so many times, "To get over it!", "It's in the past, leave it alone!", "It's over, deal with it!" Then I have heard it repeated to friends and those I know. The problem with all those statements, no one is growing from them. When you don't grow, you kinda remain stuck and soon enough when you become much more aware of your surroundings you'll feel stuck and wonder why you haven't moved forward. The above mentioned statements breaks down the human psych in my opinion. It breaks down the person who is trying to work through their emotions, thoughts and a disappointing outlook on life. Yet, only those who have been down that road more than once know how much of a struggle it is to break free of the past and they will most like be the ones who will be more "encouraging" to those who are struggling.
People who constantly bring up another's past are not helping that person at all. They are the ones who won't let it go, yet the person who is being reminded is secretly torturing themselves and those outside individuals have no clue. They think it is funny or it is the cold harsh truth about who that person is. Truth is, people who feel that painful reminder can change only if they are given an opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Today, I feel we live in such a judgmental society that if something is wrong with you, no one wants you or wants to get to know you or give you a chance. I was judged by my past and it hurt because certain individuals did not hear the full story from me. Instead, they turned to individuals who they thought knew me best (when in all reality, they really didn't) and I gotta say it hurt me like HELL. I was finally able to get my side out and because my actions proved to be the complete opposite of what was said about my past, no one knew the personal hell I was living at one particular time in my life and no, I wasn't innocent during that particular time either. We all have demons to face and sometimes many forget that. Just because a person may appear fun and happy every time you see them it doesn't mean everything is going well "ALL THE TIME". They are human and just like anyone else they too have fears of their own and issues that they may be putting off to be dealt with when they feel ready to deal with it. Sometime those issues come up and for the person who is trying to find a way to face it and deal with it, it's only natural and understanding for them to get overwhelmed in certain situations where and when those issues present themselves.
Everyone learns from life's lessons at different rates. Some of those lessons require healing to be a part of it. Some of those lessons requires one to re-evaluate his or her life. Some of those lessons requires time alone. Some of those lessons requires support from close circle of friends. Some of those lessons requires a little bit of everything. We make choices, good and bad ones. The question is are you learning from the choices you are making or are you just ignoring the results?
Your past doesn't define who you are, it MAKES you who you are today. When you learn from your past, you grow FROM IT! Do not be the sum of all of your mistakes! If you did not make those mistakes, how else would you have learnt? How else would you be the person you are today? Do not let the choices or decisions of others affect you so much that it stops you from living YOUR LIFE! Grow FROM THEM! People who have grown from being at their worst to at their best, understand how tough of a journey life is because even they had to learn from their mistakes and troubles to be the best possible version of themselves. It takes heart and soul to grow and it can be painful at times. But then again, change doesn't come easy either - that also takes time.
Part of growing FROM the past is also learning how to forgive. You don't forgive just for others sake, but you forgive for YOUR SAKE in hopes that one day you can truly forgive those who cause you harm and hurt either in person or direct communication of some kind. When you learn from your past, you can feel more at peace, filled with new insight on life and wisdom gained.
Don't analyze every single detail of what happened, focus on what you learned in the process. Try not to be bitter about it, but look at it from a standpoint where it made you stronger and in what area. When I see a friend or hear a friend struggling with their past, I do my best to listen. I can only do so much as a friend that sometimes being honest with them is not always an easy thing to do especially when I do feel for them. I see issues coming out in the present because I know as a personal friend its steaming from past issues that haven't properly been dealt with. Once upon a time, that was me, so I get it. The best decision I could ever made for myself was to get help, professionally. I may be strong to many, but I am also human and I do feel things deeply even when I do not show it. Sometimes all we need is just someone to listen and be patience with our process. Sometimes we just need fresh air, to think things out for ourselves. Sometimes we just need to escape from our normal surroundings and multiple advices just to get a better handle on our own life. Yes, life is a struggle and for some that struggle is multiplied.
If you know someone who is struggling with their past, don't be too quick to tell them to get over it. Take time out to listen and you may learn there is an underlying issue or issues for that matter contributing to something that may be so small to you but may open up old wounds in them. Yes, anyone can be living in the present and suddenly out of no where that person ends up teary eyed or maybe defensive and it all because of an old wound. No, they will not talk about it but just know it hurts them more than you may think. What may be a happy moment to all, may be a sad moment for one or two individuals. Sometimes a hug is needed but not all the time. Sometimes a person may request for their space and all you can do is to respect their wishes.
Compassion and understanding is all people need today. If we all could just listen, maybe this world would be in a better place. Pride is killing everyone today and I think no matter how brave one may be, they also need to face the fact they are not immune to everything. They will experience hurt and pain, they will experience criticism, they will experience everything negative that one could think of. No one wants to admit they are human.
The human psych can only handle so much and sometimes the past can be very difficult for some to deal with and that is where a professional counselor must come into play. If not, that individual will at some point or another choose a life-altering decision that would send a ripple effect out towards those who do care and leaving them with a lot of unanswered questions. It's a very lonely world when one is trying to wrap their mind around what happened to them and for those around that individual it's not easy for them to hear the same thing on repeat over and over again because they really don't understand it or the why of it. Hence the quote, "Sometimes people won't understand how you feel until it happens to them, until they experience the pain." No, one should have to go through a lot of the things we all see in the news and around the world. No one should have to go through feeling less than.
If you got through it, think about who was there then think about the ones who had to go through their own past by themselves with little to no help or support. You are blessed but the ones who have to face it alone end up being more blessed in the end because they had to learn how to be a survivor. Sure, there are other ways to be a survivor but nothing tops the one who had to go up against all odds against them.
So be kind to one another and I know for some individuals, who I like to call "know-it-all", are very difficult to talk to because it's like "Okay, yeah you made it but why you being so boastful about it and prideful instead of being understanding and sensitive?" It is an achievement to overcome a lot but it should leave one humble and thankful for making it out in one piece. Humble enough that people will respect that individual more because they see that person is not taking for grant the life they now have and will appreciate life and everything in it much more. It is those who know how harsh life can be who understand the value of getting another chance and a chance they know would not have come up if they did not learn enough from their past.
Learning doesn't just happen in school, it continues outside of school walls as well. Pay attention to the world around you. Yes, the world may be your stage but life will be your lifelong teacher. You are only prepared for your profession, not for reality that many of us learn either from birth or on our own. Keep an open-mind because things can change in a heartbeat. Peace.
The above mentioned quote got me thinking and I got to say, we all beat ourselves up over something that has or had already happened be it big or small. Yet, we fail to ask ourselves "What was I learning?"
I have heard people tell me so many times, "To get over it!", "It's in the past, leave it alone!", "It's over, deal with it!" Then I have heard it repeated to friends and those I know. The problem with all those statements, no one is growing from them. When you don't grow, you kinda remain stuck and soon enough when you become much more aware of your surroundings you'll feel stuck and wonder why you haven't moved forward. The above mentioned statements breaks down the human psych in my opinion. It breaks down the person who is trying to work through their emotions, thoughts and a disappointing outlook on life. Yet, only those who have been down that road more than once know how much of a struggle it is to break free of the past and they will most like be the ones who will be more "encouraging" to those who are struggling.
People who constantly bring up another's past are not helping that person at all. They are the ones who won't let it go, yet the person who is being reminded is secretly torturing themselves and those outside individuals have no clue. They think it is funny or it is the cold harsh truth about who that person is. Truth is, people who feel that painful reminder can change only if they are given an opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Today, I feel we live in such a judgmental society that if something is wrong with you, no one wants you or wants to get to know you or give you a chance. I was judged by my past and it hurt because certain individuals did not hear the full story from me. Instead, they turned to individuals who they thought knew me best (when in all reality, they really didn't) and I gotta say it hurt me like HELL. I was finally able to get my side out and because my actions proved to be the complete opposite of what was said about my past, no one knew the personal hell I was living at one particular time in my life and no, I wasn't innocent during that particular time either. We all have demons to face and sometimes many forget that. Just because a person may appear fun and happy every time you see them it doesn't mean everything is going well "ALL THE TIME". They are human and just like anyone else they too have fears of their own and issues that they may be putting off to be dealt with when they feel ready to deal with it. Sometime those issues come up and for the person who is trying to find a way to face it and deal with it, it's only natural and understanding for them to get overwhelmed in certain situations where and when those issues present themselves.
Everyone learns from life's lessons at different rates. Some of those lessons require healing to be a part of it. Some of those lessons requires one to re-evaluate his or her life. Some of those lessons requires time alone. Some of those lessons requires support from close circle of friends. Some of those lessons requires a little bit of everything. We make choices, good and bad ones. The question is are you learning from the choices you are making or are you just ignoring the results?
Your past doesn't define who you are, it MAKES you who you are today. When you learn from your past, you grow FROM IT! Do not be the sum of all of your mistakes! If you did not make those mistakes, how else would you have learnt? How else would you be the person you are today? Do not let the choices or decisions of others affect you so much that it stops you from living YOUR LIFE! Grow FROM THEM! People who have grown from being at their worst to at their best, understand how tough of a journey life is because even they had to learn from their mistakes and troubles to be the best possible version of themselves. It takes heart and soul to grow and it can be painful at times. But then again, change doesn't come easy either - that also takes time.
Part of growing FROM the past is also learning how to forgive. You don't forgive just for others sake, but you forgive for YOUR SAKE in hopes that one day you can truly forgive those who cause you harm and hurt either in person or direct communication of some kind. When you learn from your past, you can feel more at peace, filled with new insight on life and wisdom gained.
Don't analyze every single detail of what happened, focus on what you learned in the process. Try not to be bitter about it, but look at it from a standpoint where it made you stronger and in what area. When I see a friend or hear a friend struggling with their past, I do my best to listen. I can only do so much as a friend that sometimes being honest with them is not always an easy thing to do especially when I do feel for them. I see issues coming out in the present because I know as a personal friend its steaming from past issues that haven't properly been dealt with. Once upon a time, that was me, so I get it. The best decision I could ever made for myself was to get help, professionally. I may be strong to many, but I am also human and I do feel things deeply even when I do not show it. Sometimes all we need is just someone to listen and be patience with our process. Sometimes we just need fresh air, to think things out for ourselves. Sometimes we just need to escape from our normal surroundings and multiple advices just to get a better handle on our own life. Yes, life is a struggle and for some that struggle is multiplied.
If you know someone who is struggling with their past, don't be too quick to tell them to get over it. Take time out to listen and you may learn there is an underlying issue or issues for that matter contributing to something that may be so small to you but may open up old wounds in them. Yes, anyone can be living in the present and suddenly out of no where that person ends up teary eyed or maybe defensive and it all because of an old wound. No, they will not talk about it but just know it hurts them more than you may think. What may be a happy moment to all, may be a sad moment for one or two individuals. Sometimes a hug is needed but not all the time. Sometimes a person may request for their space and all you can do is to respect their wishes.
Compassion and understanding is all people need today. If we all could just listen, maybe this world would be in a better place. Pride is killing everyone today and I think no matter how brave one may be, they also need to face the fact they are not immune to everything. They will experience hurt and pain, they will experience criticism, they will experience everything negative that one could think of. No one wants to admit they are human.
The human psych can only handle so much and sometimes the past can be very difficult for some to deal with and that is where a professional counselor must come into play. If not, that individual will at some point or another choose a life-altering decision that would send a ripple effect out towards those who do care and leaving them with a lot of unanswered questions. It's a very lonely world when one is trying to wrap their mind around what happened to them and for those around that individual it's not easy for them to hear the same thing on repeat over and over again because they really don't understand it or the why of it. Hence the quote, "Sometimes people won't understand how you feel until it happens to them, until they experience the pain." No, one should have to go through a lot of the things we all see in the news and around the world. No one should have to go through feeling less than.
If you got through it, think about who was there then think about the ones who had to go through their own past by themselves with little to no help or support. You are blessed but the ones who have to face it alone end up being more blessed in the end because they had to learn how to be a survivor. Sure, there are other ways to be a survivor but nothing tops the one who had to go up against all odds against them.
So be kind to one another and I know for some individuals, who I like to call "know-it-all", are very difficult to talk to because it's like "Okay, yeah you made it but why you being so boastful about it and prideful instead of being understanding and sensitive?" It is an achievement to overcome a lot but it should leave one humble and thankful for making it out in one piece. Humble enough that people will respect that individual more because they see that person is not taking for grant the life they now have and will appreciate life and everything in it much more. It is those who know how harsh life can be who understand the value of getting another chance and a chance they know would not have come up if they did not learn enough from their past.
Learning doesn't just happen in school, it continues outside of school walls as well. Pay attention to the world around you. Yes, the world may be your stage but life will be your lifelong teacher. You are only prepared for your profession, not for reality that many of us learn either from birth or on our own. Keep an open-mind because things can change in a heartbeat. Peace.
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