What does it mean to be Happy?

What does it mean to be Happy?

Last night I was chatting with a close friend of mine and the topic of Happiness came up.  From my personal experience, I believe for me happiness is being content with what you have and having the ability to count your blessings.  I know for some happiness tends to take on many different meanings for every single individual.  I am also aware that people who see those without are perplexed by how happy a person can be with less.  What is it about those people who have less but are happy different?  They probably understand how short life is, how "little" value materialistic things are, how it's the moments in life matters more and how to appreciate every opportunity they get or have.  They may be far and few inbetween, but they are the ones that get LIFE.

In the past, I used to listen to conversations that involved relationships and for some being happy means relying on their current or future partner.  The thing about having someone to make you happy when you are already unhappy deep down is you won't really truly be happy in that kind of relationship.  You have to be happy for yourself, you have to learn to love yourself more and accept who you are.  Relationships can multiply that happiness only if both individuals are happy with where they are, who they are and moving forward in a positive direction.  When one is unhappy, sometimes it can take a toll on the one trying to make that one unhappy individual happy - ALL THE TIME!  Imagine just being with someone who is amazing but just isn't happy and you keep doing little to big things to make them smile or feel good but they just seem to not be happy with themselves.  You want them to be happy but you also know their unhappiness will eventually seep into the relationship aspect and take its toll if it goes on for a long period of time.

What our version of happiness is for ourselves vs. others we know or think we know, may not really be the kind of happiness one seeks, needs, or have. I know among my close circle, and I love them all to pieces, they want to see me happy with someone and while I do appreciate their honesty, I am much happier being a single gal.  I love my space and personal time way too much at this point in my life.  I enjoy the freedom to do what I want and how I want to do it.  I enjoy taking time out for my nightly prayers and journal writings after putting my son to bed.  I enjoy just getting to know the adult me.  I feel that it's important for one to explore themselves - mind, body and spirit.  To seek out within oneself what makes one happy.  To seek out what makes one capable. To seek out one's personal strengths and weaknesses.  To come to the point of fully accepting oneself for who they are and to love who they have become.

Many times, I find I stumble across individuals who may feel that I am not happy because I don't have this or that.  The truth is happiness comes with accepting your situation and making the best of it.  It has nothing to do with what you do or do not have.  If that was the case for someone whose happiness depends on what they do or do not have, they must be truly miserable.  I find that some people prey on those who can easily be made miserable by the simple action of pointing out what they lack and in all honesty that is inhuman to me. That's like boasting to that person who has less and you have more.  It's like, "Hey, just because you may have what the other person may want keep in mind you were blessed to have the very things you do have."  I feel people get so caught up in the "superficial" lifestyle and forget the social issues that affect many individuals on different levels. Some fail to understand how social issues can be so complex for some.  However, if an individual is working on moving forward in their life and their situation only seems to be changing very slowly, keep in mind some need to take their time to understand each step they are taking and to make sure that it doesn't set them back in a huge way.  These individuals take their time and can do so because they have learnt to be patience. I consider being patience a requirement for learning how to be happy with yourself.  When you are patience with yourself, it shows you know who you are, you accept who you are and most importantly it shows you love yourself.  Now, I'm not saying to be selfish in any manner but to share with others and to encourage others to explore themselves from within.

There will be "things" some may struggle to accept about themselves because they thought they were never like this or that, even as their own peers may have pointed out the very things about them that is troubling them.  Those "things" or "traits" that one struggles with is all about learning how you came to be that way and when one reaches the answer they suddenly feel the need to make the "correct" decisions to lead a better life not just for themselves but for the ones they care about and those they interact with.  People would feel inspired to do what they may have been putting off themselves. People will probably notice a difference and give positive feedback.  People may even want to think about how they are living their life.

We live in the world where we are all "BUSY."  While many may be busy, they get so caught up in their work life and other things that they forget along the way what it means to connect and spend time with those they care about.  They forget about what makes them happy and because life is practically on "speed-dial", no one seems to take the time to really explore or re-evaluate their life to see if they are happy and if they are happy about who they have become and to explore all their relationships and where they stand on those relationships.  I know, I know- it sounds like a waste of time and makes no sense - you just do.  The only problem is when you "just do", it's like no thought process is involved, no questions are asked, it therefore becomes impersonal in a way.  Kinda explains why for-profit organizations could care less about the less fortunate because to them "it's just business."  That mind set is horrible and while its nice to have financial stability and access to all the things many who are struggling to gain access to, its the "superficial" lifestyle.

I wonder if I was to have a million dollars, would I change who I am or would I choose to remain true to myself?  I would most likely remain myself.  I wouldn't invest in a big house or lavish car(s) or take expensive trips.  I would be humble and use my money to grow it and save it.  I would gladly invest in a small house with a nice size yard, a car that is comfortable and average.  I wouldn't let money change my entire lifestyle, I was raise to live below my means and the importance of having money put to the side for emergencies or future investments I may want to make later down the road.  What would you do? I know I would gladly pay off my debts first, getting my credit score repaired as that is now a requirement for future big investments.  Some people would be quick to just spend it and not think about the potentially added debt that may have accrued. In the end, they end up kicking themselves in the ass.  I'm not big on fashion or make up or having new things all the time.  I grew up on gently used second hand items.  Sometimes you just gotta learn how to bargain hunt and be happy that you can utilize and work with what you do have.  Not many can work with less.

I remember in a few of my college classes, we did exercises to see which group can be the most creative and effective in developing something from just a few resources and/or items.  I just loved doing these activities because I was taught at home how to get creative with using less.  I must admit, those exercises were not easy at all. Which is a reflection of real world work- it really requires brainstorming and critical thinking skills.  You would be surprised just how creative one can get when they do have less and you may be in amazement because otherwise one would have just gone to a shop to get EVERYTHING that they needed when someone else was able to get away with not only saving money but creating something out of "nothing". the beauty in it all, is that feeling of accomplishment and that in tune bring satisfaction then leads into happiness. 

I'm a hands-on gal and being able to hook up the computer, dealing with downloading and updating of software, knowing how to hook up the entertainment set, fixing the oven door handle, door knobs, repairing holes and among a lot of other things, I enjoy working doing.  Yes, I tend to do what men usually take care of, but I have always been that way since a kid.  I even worked on my bike and took my own training wheels off as a kid and now I get to do that simple task again for my son, except I am putting the training wheels on.  I am just happy to be able to do the things I learnt to do at a young age.   I am happy for where I am and even though I may not be where I want to be I am happy.  Why?  I got a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, a son who is adorable and a smarty-pants, and my sanity.  But one thing that has gotten me through a lot has been my faith even when it was so small.  Once upon a time, I use to envy my girls for being able to have relationships but now I'm just happy for them and wish them all the best.  I think that right there has to say something.  When one is happy for themselves, they can be happy for those around them without envy or jealousy because they stand firm in knowing who they are as an individual.  Couples who are strong share in their happiness and they respect one another, they can be happy and confident in knowing that they can TRUST their partner to stick by them no matter what.  So yes, when you come to terms with who you are and you learn a thing or two about yourself, you also learn to SELF-TRUST and to follow your gut instinct.

Happiness means many different things to different individuals and couples.  So keep in mind, one person's choice of happiness may not be something you may understand but if it makes them happy, just let them be.  Sometimes the road to happiness is a long one and for some it may be a short one, but regardless, there will be good and bad times in our lives and sometimes we just have to take the time to sort through everything including our emotions and psychological state.  No, we can't be happy all the time, but in general and in life being happy is really a choice.  It's a choice to let go of what's hold you down or back.  It's a choice to move forward and leave behind the very things that made you unhappy.  It's a choice to really challenge yourself to change how you are living or how you think or it could be both even.  Happiness in the end is a choice and it is an individual's choice.  So think about it and wonder away.   Peace.

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