Anxiety - it really sucks
Lately, I've been feeling totally out of my elements. Just checked out of reality and my brain doesn't want to do swat!
I do have like an overwhelming long list of things to do and today I had one project that I worked on last week and it was a pre-drafted of everything I needed to send over to my contact and this morning, I couldn't find it for the life of me. I was left so irritated and feeling bad as it needs to be done ASAP. I have another project that is ASAP and it wouldn't be if life didn't happen the way it did. So I am already way behind.
To make matters a bit more difficult is the fact that my anxiety is shooting up very high and it's has reached that level where it's my heart in my throat kind of deal. My mind is frantic and lets say getting organize on a task that needs to be done, is like gasping for air. So I distract myself and work on something else that isn't as immediate and nerve wrecking. But what's weird is that I've done one of the tasks before and the other is still new, but I am familiar with the process. But its just that feeling of dread along with a million and one questions and thoughts and I'm just paralyzed yet I can't afford to be at this time. So a big fat UGH!!!!
Breathe.
Mediation is suppose to help, but it just seems like I've just mentally shut down. Like I see, I hear and I know, but it's like a roadblock and I can't quiet move it. Just stuck. SMH.
I think due to not really sleeping well or even comfortable, is contributing to also being out of my elements. I feel like I just need a major mental break, but at the same time I just don't. I think I really need to find a nice balance. But when you're a single parent, trying to find a balance is damn near impossible. But you do what you have to do. I have a lot of passion for what I do, but when I start to check out, that is not good news at all. That's me, literally shutting down on a lot.
Today, I had a phone call and it was about paperwork that requires reporting changes in details and making sure all the documentations were put together. Well, to be honest, I could barely answer those questions as I have been rushing through all the paperwork to meet the deadlines and I could not really recall what I reported and when, but usually I am good at recalling stuff like that! UGH! So being all over the place, is not me at all. My thoughts are just broken up and I'm trying too hard to piece them together to make some logical sense. Now, I'm just hoping I get get through the next few weeks.
You might wanna save the "take care of yourself" speech. Heard it so much, it doesn't make much of a difference to be honest. But I hear y'all, its like I have mentioned easier said than done. I was on my feet all day yesterday only to realize my right leg is slightly swollen and bigger than the left and my right arm is also experiencing swelling from an inflamed shoulder. But I need to get back to being active more. I've had mild asthma flare ups and that doesn't happen unless I'm overdue for a workout schedule. Being active for me means recovering and functioning better. My biggest thing is how do I find a balance as a working mom because it's so tempting to go back to being just a stay at home mom but in this current political environment, it may not be wise to be unemployed due to all the potential cuts being talked about. ::sighs:: This world can be so cruel and doesn't even realize it. There may be some moms out there, in a similar boat like me, and even with high anxiety at times, and at times life is just impossible at times and we just do our best. But when we check out, we check out and it's like there is no turning back or explaining. Parents take on a lot and regardless, society needs to understand that even with two parents working, and it's not that it's necessarily a choice, but to survive in the current increasing cost of living situation, you need two incomes to stay afloat and it's becoming more of one parent working two jobs and the other one just to have an extra income. But it all depends on where one lives.
I'll just rest up, but it just sucks to be honest. It really does. Peace.
I do have like an overwhelming long list of things to do and today I had one project that I worked on last week and it was a pre-drafted of everything I needed to send over to my contact and this morning, I couldn't find it for the life of me. I was left so irritated and feeling bad as it needs to be done ASAP. I have another project that is ASAP and it wouldn't be if life didn't happen the way it did. So I am already way behind.
To make matters a bit more difficult is the fact that my anxiety is shooting up very high and it's has reached that level where it's my heart in my throat kind of deal. My mind is frantic and lets say getting organize on a task that needs to be done, is like gasping for air. So I distract myself and work on something else that isn't as immediate and nerve wrecking. But what's weird is that I've done one of the tasks before and the other is still new, but I am familiar with the process. But its just that feeling of dread along with a million and one questions and thoughts and I'm just paralyzed yet I can't afford to be at this time. So a big fat UGH!!!!
Breathe.
Mediation is suppose to help, but it just seems like I've just mentally shut down. Like I see, I hear and I know, but it's like a roadblock and I can't quiet move it. Just stuck. SMH.
I think due to not really sleeping well or even comfortable, is contributing to also being out of my elements. I feel like I just need a major mental break, but at the same time I just don't. I think I really need to find a nice balance. But when you're a single parent, trying to find a balance is damn near impossible. But you do what you have to do. I have a lot of passion for what I do, but when I start to check out, that is not good news at all. That's me, literally shutting down on a lot.
Today, I had a phone call and it was about paperwork that requires reporting changes in details and making sure all the documentations were put together. Well, to be honest, I could barely answer those questions as I have been rushing through all the paperwork to meet the deadlines and I could not really recall what I reported and when, but usually I am good at recalling stuff like that! UGH! So being all over the place, is not me at all. My thoughts are just broken up and I'm trying too hard to piece them together to make some logical sense. Now, I'm just hoping I get get through the next few weeks.
You might wanna save the "take care of yourself" speech. Heard it so much, it doesn't make much of a difference to be honest. But I hear y'all, its like I have mentioned easier said than done. I was on my feet all day yesterday only to realize my right leg is slightly swollen and bigger than the left and my right arm is also experiencing swelling from an inflamed shoulder. But I need to get back to being active more. I've had mild asthma flare ups and that doesn't happen unless I'm overdue for a workout schedule. Being active for me means recovering and functioning better. My biggest thing is how do I find a balance as a working mom because it's so tempting to go back to being just a stay at home mom but in this current political environment, it may not be wise to be unemployed due to all the potential cuts being talked about. ::sighs:: This world can be so cruel and doesn't even realize it. There may be some moms out there, in a similar boat like me, and even with high anxiety at times, and at times life is just impossible at times and we just do our best. But when we check out, we check out and it's like there is no turning back or explaining. Parents take on a lot and regardless, society needs to understand that even with two parents working, and it's not that it's necessarily a choice, but to survive in the current increasing cost of living situation, you need two incomes to stay afloat and it's becoming more of one parent working two jobs and the other one just to have an extra income. But it all depends on where one lives.
I'll just rest up, but it just sucks to be honest. It really does. Peace.
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