Processing Life
You know how life can come at you unexpectedly and then everything just settles down afterward? How about when life comes at you, left and right, seemingly unexpectedly, and you find yourself saying, "Man, can I catch a break?" Sometimes life just happens be it in small chunks or big or all at once. The all at once ordeals are TOUGH. The big ones can be tough but it all depends what it is or may be. The small ones, depending on the individual, can be either taken in strides or accepted.
I often find myself in the, "Man, can I catch a break?" mentality because it seems like if it ain't one thing it's almost guaranteed to be another. Even if you have improved in your decision making over the years or grown from your learned mistakes, there are just some things that just keep reoccurring and it leaves some of us wondering "Why?" or "What am I doing wrong?" or better yet, "What is it that I am missing here?" When something is repetitive, but one has pulled away and gone in their own direction, but yet somehow gets caught back up into it, it's like a vicious cycle and you may find yourself saying, "Uh, how in the world did I end up back here?" What I learned is, sometimes when something is repetitive, it means it hasn't been fully dealt with or processed. I also learned that sometimes you may just have to change the environment that you are in or the people you have surrounded yourself with to really move forward. Some would say this may come off as, "running away" but really, it's removing oneself from a repetitive situation or a "mental reminder" of an experience that is still fresh in one's mind. Sometime one needs to take time to step back and process things for themselves to not only understand for themselves, but to find a way to come to terms with it and to move on. And no, it is not an overnight ordeal. It really does take time. Sometimes a long time.
I find myself in the mist of being unusually calm but feeling like I'm also grieving a lost connection. I acknowledged that given the circumstances, maintaining a connection is not easy and trying to maintain a balance is difficult. But I cannot fault the ones who have been trying but I can understand when things don't look like it will improve overall, everyone will stop making the effort to keep in touch. That can be hard, given the factors involved. But what choices do we have? I mean really. It sucks, but my fight is over and I'm just done for. I know I tried and I tried my hardest. Yet, in the end, its the young who suffers the most. I would make the effort to work things out but I'm like a broken record already. Tried it and it wasn't even worth it each time.
When you have a big heart, you give it your all to make things happen in a positive light. But when you are faced with a negative, a darkness, it can not only be draining but it can be a battlefield if the light is a strong one. It's like Once Upon a Time, where Light Magic vs. Dark Magic, but it the end it came down to choices made to put one's desires, bad habits or self-sacrifice to the test. In the end, it was selflessness that won out darkness. It was also love, forgiveness and time, that helped each character not only grow, but to learn from one another and to become better than who they were. It took time, wiliness to look at things from a different perspective and to view things from the other's perspective. It took communication, with active listening to understand not to give a quick response back or to place blame continuously without first understanding the individual's mindset, self belief, emotions and more.
I find that some people put themselves out on the line too often and usually for the wrong individuals. They tend to beat themselves up over the "Why" and sometimes even as a friend, I would have to say, it's okay to help others out just don't always go all in. Some individuals need to learn how to appreciate the help they get but they also need to make effort on their part to show that they are serious about improving their own situations. Not everyone can live another's life for them. We all have a unique journey on this earth, we are all bounded to become somebody, but in the meantime don't let your current situations get to you too much. Try to work through it the best you can and let it change you for the better. Change doesn't come easy as it is met with resistance. But with change, you will never know the results if you don't at least try. Change can be for the greater good or bad, but only if you are highly aware of what is at stake. Helping others, just for the sake of helping others without getting anything in return is showing humility and kindness. It is a selfless act and one that many who practice this would hope others will do for them in return or in general. Sometimes all you can do is just pay it forward and keep helping those in need but leave them in good shape.
Life can be harsh, it can be cold, it can be a million and one other things as well but life is what you make it. It can't always be a new day when unresolved issues are left unattended and festering. But it can be a new day when unresolved issues are finally put to rest or finally being worked through and one or everybody can truly start the healing process and move forward. Carpi Diem - It may mean a new day but for some a new day is when they overcome barriers, unresolved issues and obstacles they had to face. A new day, is when the worries are finally not so overwhelming, the fears are reduced and confidence in oneself is restored. A new day, is when you are free from what was holding you back and you work at keeping things moving forward and learning life's lessons as you go. I just hope the lessons life teaches one will help carry one through whatever comes next. For each time one overcomes something, we grow stronger because of it in due time. The pain may linger, but it weakens as time passes, if you let it.
I missed writing. I missed drawing and I missed basically my creative outlets. I may be good at many things, but I have my limits. I think I may be reaching a limit where its time for a change of pace. As much as I love doing what I do, I need to have more time with myself and most importantly with my son. Trying to find that balance has not been easy, trying to find room to breath has been hard. I may have a high threshold for stress but once it hits me, I just crash flat out. When I do, my interests changes and so does my perspectives. I got some thinking to do on how I want to move forward and how I want to take the next step. To be continued....
I find myself in the mist of being unusually calm but feeling like I'm also grieving a lost connection. I acknowledged that given the circumstances, maintaining a connection is not easy and trying to maintain a balance is difficult. But I cannot fault the ones who have been trying but I can understand when things don't look like it will improve overall, everyone will stop making the effort to keep in touch. That can be hard, given the factors involved. But what choices do we have? I mean really. It sucks, but my fight is over and I'm just done for. I know I tried and I tried my hardest. Yet, in the end, its the young who suffers the most. I would make the effort to work things out but I'm like a broken record already. Tried it and it wasn't even worth it each time.
When you have a big heart, you give it your all to make things happen in a positive light. But when you are faced with a negative, a darkness, it can not only be draining but it can be a battlefield if the light is a strong one. It's like Once Upon a Time, where Light Magic vs. Dark Magic, but it the end it came down to choices made to put one's desires, bad habits or self-sacrifice to the test. In the end, it was selflessness that won out darkness. It was also love, forgiveness and time, that helped each character not only grow, but to learn from one another and to become better than who they were. It took time, wiliness to look at things from a different perspective and to view things from the other's perspective. It took communication, with active listening to understand not to give a quick response back or to place blame continuously without first understanding the individual's mindset, self belief, emotions and more.
I find that some people put themselves out on the line too often and usually for the wrong individuals. They tend to beat themselves up over the "Why" and sometimes even as a friend, I would have to say, it's okay to help others out just don't always go all in. Some individuals need to learn how to appreciate the help they get but they also need to make effort on their part to show that they are serious about improving their own situations. Not everyone can live another's life for them. We all have a unique journey on this earth, we are all bounded to become somebody, but in the meantime don't let your current situations get to you too much. Try to work through it the best you can and let it change you for the better. Change doesn't come easy as it is met with resistance. But with change, you will never know the results if you don't at least try. Change can be for the greater good or bad, but only if you are highly aware of what is at stake. Helping others, just for the sake of helping others without getting anything in return is showing humility and kindness. It is a selfless act and one that many who practice this would hope others will do for them in return or in general. Sometimes all you can do is just pay it forward and keep helping those in need but leave them in good shape.
Life can be harsh, it can be cold, it can be a million and one other things as well but life is what you make it. It can't always be a new day when unresolved issues are left unattended and festering. But it can be a new day when unresolved issues are finally put to rest or finally being worked through and one or everybody can truly start the healing process and move forward. Carpi Diem - It may mean a new day but for some a new day is when they overcome barriers, unresolved issues and obstacles they had to face. A new day, is when the worries are finally not so overwhelming, the fears are reduced and confidence in oneself is restored. A new day, is when you are free from what was holding you back and you work at keeping things moving forward and learning life's lessons as you go. I just hope the lessons life teaches one will help carry one through whatever comes next. For each time one overcomes something, we grow stronger because of it in due time. The pain may linger, but it weakens as time passes, if you let it.
I missed writing. I missed drawing and I missed basically my creative outlets. I may be good at many things, but I have my limits. I think I may be reaching a limit where its time for a change of pace. As much as I love doing what I do, I need to have more time with myself and most importantly with my son. Trying to find that balance has not been easy, trying to find room to breath has been hard. I may have a high threshold for stress but once it hits me, I just crash flat out. When I do, my interests changes and so does my perspectives. I got some thinking to do on how I want to move forward and how I want to take the next step. To be continued....
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